jeudi, juin 01, 2006

Deedes of Majestee

O the tene and vexacioun of beynge the humble servaunt of a grete Kyng. For todaye, as ich dide looke ovir the laste of myn householdes posessiouns yn Aldgate of Londoun, bisi ynough with muche labour and thogte aboute wher to putte the lampe yn the rentede van and whethir Lowys wanteth the tee shirte he hath ylefte crumplide yn the cornere of hys roome, lo! an heraud dide appeare wyth a message for me from my lorde Kyng Richarde.

By Seinte Bartholemewes grille! Yt was no thyng othir than a royale writ De flatteria scribenda, the whiche doth demaunde that ich wryte some small libell or brode-sheete yn prayse of Kyng Richarde contaynynge proofe of his vertu. Ich do translate the writ for yow heere:

RICARDUS DEI GRATIA rex Angliae et Franciae et dominus Hiberniae ad suum carum servum Galfridum Chaucer salutem. Nunc est scribendum aliquid de flatteria pro nostra regali maiestate. Diu fructibus largitatis nostrae fructus es, et pauca pro nobis produxisti. Quaedam facta de quodam milite strenuo Carolo Norrys nomine in paginis internettae ad nostram notitiam advenerunt. Talia facta de potentia et sapientiae de nobis scribas.

“Richarde et cetera to hys deere servaunt Geoffreye Chaucere sendeth greetynges. Yt ys tyme to wryte sum thyng of flatterye for Oure Royale Majestee. Loonge tyme thou hast enjoyede the fruytes of oure largesse, and yiven litel to vs. Certayne deedes of a certayne bolde Knighte yclepede Charles de Norrys haue ycome to Oure Attencioun yn pages of the internette. Write of vs swich maner of deedes of powere and wisdam.”

Ywis, as thes thynges goon, ich dide haue to stop my daye vntil ich had composid and endited sum factes aboute my noble Lord Kyng Richard, the which ich haue heere yncluded so that ye kan reden of hem:


KYNG RICHARDE doth nat chase the deere. Chasynge doth implie the possibilitee that KYNG RICHARDE mighte nat catche the deere. KYNG RICHARD mounteth his horse and waiteth for the deere to die.

Whanne an dispute at Oxenforde did occur considerynge the trewe nature of the power of royale kyngeshipe, KYNG RICHARDE was acknowledged the wiseste doctour yn that lerned companie. Yet he dide yive an answere of two woordes onlie: “KYNG RICHARDE.”

The voweles of the Englysshe tonge weren supposed to shifte yn 1377, but KYNG RICHARDE tolde them to staye the helle where they were.

KYNG RICHARDE kan make Johannes Goweres poetrie interestinge.

KYNG RICHARDE doth nat consulte the bookes of lawes and statutez of the reaume. He kepeth the lawes yn his owene herte.

KYNG RICHARDE his touche kan cure scrofula. Too bad, then, that he shal nevir touch thee, churl!

Yonge infauntes do crye and waile with muchel a teere for thei knowe that nevir shal ther feestes be as royale and fayre as those of KYNGE RICHARDE.

KYNG RICHARDE was ful able to haue conquerede all of Fraunce longe agoon, but he thoghte that the “Thirtee Nyne Yeeres Warre” soundede bad.

Armor doth weare KYNG RICHARDE for proteccioun.

Oones as the cronique doth reherce, ther liued a kynge hight Darius who dide gather hys thre counsellors and aske what was the strengest thynge, wyn, womman, or a kyng? And the firste wyse man dide saye that the kynge was the moost of strengthe, for he hadde powir over lyf and deeth. And the seconde dide clayme that wyn was the strengest, for yt doth bynde everi man far moore than ony kynge. And the thridde sage dide saye that that wommen ben the myhtieste, for hir loue hath caused manye kingdomes to rise or to falle - and yet he dide adde that truthe was strenger than alle othir thynges, for in no wise may truthe be overcome. And then KYNG RICHARDE dide slaye alle of them.

KYNG RICHARDE doth nat sleepe; he exerteth his majestee while prone.

KYNG RICHARDE kan yive a summarie of Pieres Plowman yn undir a minute.

Whanne Parlemente dide aske for an accounte of the expenditure of KYNG RICHARDE his housholde, KYNG RICHARDE sente vnto them onlye a peynture of his visage ytwistede yn wrathe. Parlemente dissoluede ytselfe and the Knightes of the Shire dide flee to foreyn londes.

KYNG RICHARDE alreadye habet the corpus.

KYNG RICHARDE nedeth nat to buye riche furres of ermine for to make hys robes – the ermines themselves jumpe on to hys backe and do slee themselves in obedience.

KYNG RICHARDE ys soore angerede at the clergie for infringement of copyrighte, for ‘The Peace of God’ beth the name of hys right arme, and ‘The Truce of God’ beth the name of his left arme.

At night KYNG RICHARDE hath brighte lanternes and torches al ybrennynge yn his chambre. Nat by cause KYNG RICHARDE doth feere the shadowede derkenesse, but by cause the derknesse ytself hath a grete feere of KYNG RICHARDE!

KYNG RICHARDE nedeth nat a hawke or faucon, for hys owne honde kan flye thurgh the air and kille any thynge.

Whenne God doth write lettres patente, he calleth hymself "Lord of the Universe by the Grace of KYNGE RICHARDE.”

The Black Deeth had halfe of yts populacioun destroyede by KYNG RICHARDE.

Whanne he was borne, KYNG RICHARDE dide emerge from his motheres womb wyth sevene riche bishopes, a ful lernede confessour, severale dukes who aren hys freendes and counsellours, two yeomen bearynge banneres and ten menne of Gasconie ful redy to cooke a fyne feeste.


Blogger Sally's Life said...

Dear Mr Chaucer

You recent posting on the internet has caused deep chuckles in my chest, wide spreading smiles and tears of joy.

I have proclaimed your communications to all who would read and understand.

I am very thankful for all your labours for your internet pals.

I trust that you have translation facilities for reading the comments of your faithfull fans who come to you from far off times when the language is much poorer than that of your own time.

King Richard has a true and loyal servant in you, and should His Majesty ever ask of me my opinion, I would humbly praise your great intellect and humour.

jeudi, 01 juin, 2006  
Blogger Eric said...

Incertum an sententia tua in re vocalium vel illa de armatura regis me moveat plus, sed satis perspicua est omnibus magna vis comica harum quae scripsisti (non neglecta pietate tua erga regem).

jeudi, 01 juin, 2006  
Blogger Susan Adrian said...

Oh, my dear Chaucer.

This? [KYNG RICHARD mounteth his horse and waiteth for the deere to die.] This is a line of great wit, which did make me spew my coffee.

And I wanted to give you fair warning--you're not in my current book, since you stubbornly seem to insist on being in southern England in 1387, but you will be in my next one. Prepare yourself for adventure.

jeudi, 01 juin, 2006  
Blogger heldmyw said...

"KYNG RICHARDE kan make Johannes Goweres poetrie interestinge."


(BTW- A fortenicht an more passeth and nae wyrd from fare Mastere Gowere! No peep sin he was summoned to court.

Mayhaps his tyme wie Kyngge Richarde hath addled his pate and maketh hym so overmuch grande that he upsnooteth us?

Nat to implye he be wankere, but...)

jeudi, 01 juin, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

John Dunbar,after considerynge the trewe nature of baith KYNG RICHARDE and DEATH, now chaunteth "Timor Richarde Conturbat me!

jeudi, 01 juin, 2006  
Anonymous Lea said...

Timor Richarde Conturbat me!

BSL! Thu hast yiven me the newe title of min dyssertaccioun...

jeudi, 01 juin, 2006  
Blogger Gwan said...

'KYNG RICHARDE kan yive a summarie of Pieres Plowman yn undir a minute'

Meseemeth KYNG RICHARDE coulde maketh a goodley summe sellynge suche a summarie on th'internette to clerkes ydriven to wanhope by seide Pieres Plowman.

jeudi, 01 juin, 2006  
Anonymous Evil Steve said...

me 'n lowys az spent our load on da h'augmentula and we iz well unhappy wiv da rutz we iz makin'

h'expect a drive-by, chaucer


vendredi, 02 juin, 2006  
Anonymous Katherine de Swinford said...

Whanne he was borne, KYNG RICHARDE dide emerge from his motheres womb wyth sevene riche bishopes, a ful lernede confessour, severale dukes who aren hys freendes and counsellours, two yeomen bearynge banneres and ten menne of Gasconie ful redy to cooke a fyne feeste.

Manne, I fele sore badelich for hys poure mothere, Joane...

vendredi, 02 juin, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Don't think this royal arse licking is going to help once you've appeared as a guest on WatTylerblogge.

vendredi, 02 juin, 2006  
Anonymous richard, seconde of that name, kynge said...

Trewlie, Maistre Chaucer, thart a fine servaunte for a kynge. Thou hast done most well, and art most deserving of a butte of sherris-sack, and some peeces of goold an seluer. Thart of all poetes the flour, and doth leeve that churl gowere in the duste.

samedi, 03 juin, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Fantastic. I had to dig deep and access that semester on Chaucer I took as an undergrad. Thanks for a great laugh.

dimanche, 04 juin, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Be thou careful, anst thou wouldst survive thyne Sire's wrath...but luckily for thee (and aye, I speaketh in the newfangled tongue of the most fashionable quartres--spelling most consistently et scandalously, bigod!), King Rychard hath more jewels in his crown than hath he industrious shrews to turn the miniscule mill-race of his mind...and naught a daub of pig's grease to keep said wheel a-silent...

~A Baroness

lundi, 05 juin, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

good master chaucer --

the grill belongs to st. lawrence, not st. bartholomew:

St. Lawrence

depending on which source you check, st. bartholomew was either flayed or crucified upside down - his icon is usually a flaying knife:

St. Bartholomew

yours, another medievalist in search of a life -- Tina Bird

St. Bartholomew the Great

mardi, 06 juin, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

"the grill belongs to st. lawrence, not st. bartholomew..."

Goode and Lernede Maystress Birde,

Grant Merci for thatte observacioun. Thogh, ich was makynge referaunce nat to the grim martyrdome of Seynte Bartholomew, but rather to the legende of Seynte Bartholomew his barbeque. For whanne he dide seeke to converte the peple to the feythe of Christe, he dide gather them wyth the promise of winges of chikken ygrillede to perfeccioun. And lo! grete crowdes of folke dide come aftir smellynge the cookynge foode. And thogh manye dide come to the barbeque, by wyse of a miracle Seynte Bartholomewes grille was wyde ynogh, and ther were winges of chikeen ynogh, to feden alle of the peple, who alle dide take uppe the faithe of Christe as ful esily as they tooke vppe those tendre winges of chikken. And thus, lyk unto the grille of Seynt Bart, myn daye of worke dide seme to growe so that ich koud enditen myn tales of Richarde and eek performe the laboures of myn movynge.

Le Vostre

okaye, ye haue got me -- ich dide confuse the two seyntes

mardi, 06 juin, 2006  
Anonymous The Youngge Ladye Iohfy said...

Haue ye neuer wondyr'd wy the starres bee so fare awey? They feyr Kyngge Richard's wrathe.

mardi, 06 juin, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Ich hadde nat cryed so harde yn me lyfe. Kyng Richarde ys veray lyke a man ich koude. Shaltow do thilke for him? Ick thynketh yow myght seye no. Thanke yow for the delit.

jeudi, 05 octobre, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Y think Parys wolde beth a gode seynt of cocayne. Hir lyfe needes moore foon. Plus, yf she beth alive whan she is olde, despyte the cocayne, she mote beth a legende. Fore to lyv that longe afte hir toughe lyfe twould beth a myrical.

vendredi, 06 octobre, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

runescape money runescape gold runescape money runescape gold wow power leveling wow powerleveling Warcraft Power Leveling Warcraft PowerLeveling buy runescape gold buy runescape money runescape items runescape gold runescape money runescape accounts runescape gp dofus kamas buy dofus kamas Guild Wars Gold buy Guild Wars Gold lotro gold buy lotro gold lotro gold buy lotro gold lotro gold buy lotro gold runescape money runescape power leveling runescape money runescape gold dofus kamas cheap runescape money cheap runescape gold Hellgate Palladium Hellgate London Palladium Hellgate money Tabula Rasa gold tabula rasa money lotro gold buy lotro gold Tabula Rasa Credit Tabula Rasa Credits Hellgate gold Hellgate London gold dofus kamas buy dofus kamas eve isk eve online isk eve isk eve online isk 血管瘤 肝血管瘤 音乐剧 北京富码电视 富码电视 富码电视台 7天酒店 7天连锁酒店 7天连锁 自清洗过滤器 过滤器 压力开关 压力传感器 流量开关 流量计 液位计 液位开关 温湿度记录仪 风速仪 可燃气体检测仪 wow power leveling wow powerleveling Warcraft PowerLeveling Warcraft Power Leveling World of Warcraft PowerLeveling World of Warcraft Power Leveling runescape power leveling runescape powerleveling 宿县最帅的胖子

vendredi, 30 novembre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

We really love your blog, i haven't seen you keeping the posts in in some time now. Is everything ok. You can reach me here = website traffic@simply pet Thanks Again Rob Dog Crates, Dog Toys ( Dog Supplies & Cat Supplies Pet Store, Dog Collars)

dimanche, 23 décembre, 2007  

Enregistrer un commentaire

<< Home