jeudi, juin 21, 2007

Boke II

O mightye dung!!! Whan laste wrote me of the tale on how thynges fell witte nobles atte Tower, soddenly I discerned, that betwixt Constaunze and me there weren XI: Ich, Constaunze, Henry, Thomas Tweye, Joane, and Kateline. WHERE IN GODDES NAME BE MY SONNE JOHNE??? I mote have losten him atte Tower and seen hit nat! Goddes dignitee, how should I have losten myn eldest sonne with Johne and ne woten for a weke!? I shoulde loke, but I be nat in Londoun ynow, I am yjournee with a band of lewd folke who toke pitee to bring me North in her carte. O gentil rederes! – be ye gode and charitable men, kepen vigilaunt for my sonne, Johne Beaufort!
He is X yeres elde, with faire countenaunce as doth his name telle, paillid as the moone and hayre golden as the sunne, with a mightye a stomach for wine as you shall evere see of a X yere elde.

O, how agful me feleth! I toorned my childerenes overe to folkes I knowe but lite, but for Johne whom I gesse I did nat! Then I fleyed the Tower, and renne thurgh the villaines and rebeles to seken my suster at Aldgate. Ich, a noble woman conveyed al one in swych perile, I neded skriek “I be in troth but a servaunt!” and cast aboute my jeweles in the route to maken distracte of the folke. By Aldgate I was baren of jeweles, pinnes, and neare stryppened myself to my schrit forto misleden hem, but that might have merely maden an othir attencioun I woulde nat, so resisted.
I founde my susteres roumes and wenten the doore, beted and skrieked as some deville megesseth. Out renne Philippe, with a sword of Geffreyes, and swangen hit at me! Certes, were she ne woman with crappe aim, I should be deed ynow! Once that she knewe me she toke me within, and made a wall before the doore with setes and tables and bokes, and Gefrey gan tellen hir nat to usen the bokes in swych wise, and she toold him to shutten his lippes and watche the windwe. He guarded oone, Thomas, hir sonne, an othir, and litel Lewis was armed with manye daggres in the neightest roum with his mower litel suster Agnis. Philippe and me coked mete for hem alle, so should hem haven no nede forto goon from hir appointementes. I spoke of my miserye, and Philippe quod that hit was alle for that the churles and villains haten my Johne, for thinken hem that he be riche from takinge taxes and nat from cautious investement and because lady Blanches fathir, may she and he be in pes, was swiving riche and my Johne got hit alles whan she was deed.
I wayted with Philippe for II dayes, until we herde that Kinge Richard had gone to the rebeles and had these wordes:

CHIEF REBELE: Wele, King, seest thou here alle thyse menne?
KING RICHARD: Aye... ummm, forwhy?
CHIEF REBELE: For that I haven hem alle undre myn own commaunt, and haven hem alle given holy troth to doon any thinge I saye for hem.
KING RICHARD: Thatte is cool we gessen, huh huh huh.

Then Gode be praised, chere Wil Walworth renne out and quelled the rebele chief. Then Richard daunced aboute and sayed to the villains:

KING RICHARD: We are king! So you shoult doon whatever we saye, and go wey.
WIL WALWORTH: Yis, there be an armee of reenforcementes ycomming shortlye.

And syn thyse were pesaunts estupides who revolted because some tailor or tile-makkir toold hem, they all wente.
But there was ne jollitye for me none. Al I could was how my hoome in Londoun in gone, and my childeren are lost and stelen, and my Johne is farre away in Scotteland and might knowe nothinnge of hit any!

And so I sayed, “I shall finde my Johne!” and Philippe sayed, “Yis, go away from her, I will nat have villain to burnen the home ydoun,” so she gave to me some money and a hately gown forto kepe me sobtle, and so I am ynow, ywandre.

lundi, juin 18, 2007

The Horrible Terrour: Boke I

I have on mine own blog thyse poost ymade, but chere Geffrey quod I mote say any thinge of note on here eke. Wele, thys be of note.

Some of ye knowe nat the horror on the XIV dey but havyng seen hit with mine own two eyne I telle hit here. I may nat telle hit all at one time, for I be on the renne.

All cam whan that frist I herde the newes that Wil Walworth the meior had deraigned to shutten the ports of the citee, syn ynere there were rebeles. The aviseurs and King Richard were atte Tower, methinketh (there I sente hem tart de cerise a weke agone) and a noble man yforsed by the rebeles to serve hem, er his children should be quelled, sought to speke with hem. On Corpus Christi, I toke my childeren and alle we what mighte wente to the Tower to prayen with the King, that these rebeles should goon in pes ower else God to casten aqua fortis upon hem but nat on us. Aft we prayed, the aviseurs and King Richard set on a barque, to seen the rebeles, and I made to goon home to Savoy that I may telle yow gentil rederes of it all. Only then Richard wente nere shore and creyed lyk an idiot, “Churls, yow succen! LOL! Westen syyyyde!” Yis, he sayd L – O – L, and all the men of courte grucched. Thise be wherefore a XIV yere elde King hath aviseurs to seen the toyles. Richard toorned round straight wey to the Tower ayain. O! Were my Johne here ne LOL should have yspoken ben! At thyse wordes, the rebels stormed the citee, forsed the gates be oped and straight went to the Savoy. Mordred hem the guarderes, then in went and gan to smashen al mannir of thinges whils ychaunt with “Singen in the Rayn” so I am recited. Ystond on too-ende, I dede scarcely the Savoy see, and that swyving bitch Constaunze keped to schoven me aside, for she would see of my spot.There was the mighty Savoy, myn home with my swoote Johne. Then soddenly – clap! The winde reked al of gunne-powdre, and what lite remained of the palace was in flames. I and Constanze began to wepe, and eke alle min childeren and Kateline dede so. “O the humanitee!” we creyed, and alle oure poure servaunts we woote were deed, for ne no body should have lived.To the dey neightest, al were yterrour. I fered for myn elder childeren, Thomas Oone and Blanche who are at schole and far awey, and for my suster and hir housbond, and hirs. Philippe swynketh often for Constaunze ynow, and may have even been atte Savoy. My neere-nefew King Richard felte sore wretched for that he maked oure hoome become burst, so he gave Constaunze a tart de cerise. How nyce. I knew that same tart de cerise syn I made hit for him a weke agone. Then went he maken amends for saying LOL to the rebeles. As soon as oped the gates to lesse him leve, the villeines camen in to the Tower, and by my troth, creyed hem to quellen alle who be known to the Duke of Lancastre – my Johne. Poure Frere William erste was mordered, and soon hit semed all oure servaunts that were saved from flames should deyen from the revolt, bute mower Constaunze and my selfe dreded for oure childeren, who ne may renne wyth hir shorte legges, so we mote haulen hem and there be IV of hem and oonly Constaunze and me to haulen as we fleyde, uppe the staires, til I thought his should be a ful bad idee to flee uppe the staires and freyned “What is thyse, a horror tale?” And certes we ne might knowen, for there was Frere Williames heede upon a stick with bloode and salive yrun from him. We had fortune yet, for tis claimed that were the Kinges mothores dames (and nere Joane hirself) surprized by the rebeles, may hem hanged becomen. Then – gramercy Gode! – sighted we Henry, and John Ferrour who I wote nat, but he sayed, we should give to him the childeren and he should stelen hem in saufetee. Constaunze and me ne were able to holden hem namoore, so gave we him alle but Joane who is so smal. Alice de Holland then cam and quod she should take Joane so I mighte fleye. So Constaunze and me drove thurgh the throng armed contre the villeins wyth oure hayr-pines as weaponnes. Then fell a grete scheme to me, to skriek atte rebeles that Constaunze be the Duchesse of Launcastre and to fleye whan set hem upon hir; but I fered me should she creye with hir last breeth that I be the Dukes mistresse so kepte me with hir. Though I skrieked al the while, I founde the gate with Constaunze, and quod she should go where she would: but I must to my suster, to see she be unharmed.