For a loong tyme, my grete freende and sum-tyme co-blogger, the noble Knight Sir John Mandeville, hath been compylinge a booke of travels, in which he recordeth the grete wondirs of the worlde and eek which hotel to staye yn whan ye visit the reaume of Prester John and swich lyk mattirs.
Recentlye, Sir John hath emailed me wyth sum addiciouns to hys booke, the whiche Ich do pooste upon thys litel blog at hys requeste. Peraventure thys wisdam of sondrye londes shal be of use to yow, good rederes, yf ye are planninge to travel yn the somer monthes.
Be safe yn yower travels, good folk, and be ware of swich beestes as the Honey Badger,
ADDENDA TO THE BOOKE OF SIR JOHN MANDEVILLE
OF THE DOUBLEDE RAINBOWE
Yn the lande of Californie Ich, John Mandeville, did see a doublede rainbowe. In the name of Jesu! Yt was a doublede rainbowe, all-wei. Lo, yt was a wonder. Lo! Avant! Ha! Ho! Hale! Oho! By Jesu! Regarde yt! Yt beginneth to seme as it wolde be even a triplede rainbowe. By the Ark upon which Noah did sayle the see, yt ys fulle on. By Jesu! By Jesu! What doth swich a wondir meane? By Jesu! Yt shyneth so gretely. Oho! Yt shyneth full fayre and good to see. Lo! Avant! Yt ys ful fayre to looke upon. By Jesu! By Jesu! Yt ys a doublede fulle rainbowe! By Jesu! What doth yt meane? Telle yt unto me. I know nat what maner of signifiaunce ther ys for swich a merveil. By Jesu, yt ys a wonder. Lo! Ha! Lo! By Jesu!
At the which poynte, oon of my felawes seyde to me “By any chaunce, art thou related to Margery Kempe?”
OF THE TOWNE OF FUNKE
Thogh Ich did talke about yt, and talke about yt, noone of the inhabitaunts of thys regioun wolde take me unto thys place.
OF THE CATTE OF NYAN
And sum men seye that in the ile of Langos ys the doghter of Ypocrasis who hath been transformid. She appeareth yn the maner of a grete pye of swete berryes wyth the hede and limbes of a catte, and the which singeth a songe of Nyan as it daunceth acrosse the skye. And yt ys seyde that he who kan watche thys catte for longir than eny other man, he shal have the doghter of Ypocras who shal turn ageyn yn to hir owene kinde and be a woman. But the songe ys of swich a nature that no man can heare yt and lyve.
OF THE CITEE OF PARADYSE
And ye shal understonde that in thys citee the grasse ys greene and the maydenes are fayre.
OF THE HONEYE BADGERE
And in the lande of Ynde ther ys the Honeye Badger. And yt ys seyde to be somdeel bad-asse.
The Honeye Badger doth grabben at snakes, the which is grosse, and yt doth yiven chase to jackales. Of the many wondirs Ich have seene in my traveles, no thing is just as crazye as the Honeye Badger.
For Pliny the elder saith that the Honey Badger is the beaste yn the world that is moost wythout feare. The Honey Badger reketh nat an oystre concerning any matter.
For yn yts mouth the Honeye Badger will seyze a cobra and then it shal runne back-wardes. Yif a snake crepeth up ynto a tree, Honeye Badger careth nat. Honey Badgere reketh nat an oystre concerninge any matter; swich a beeste as the Honey Badger doth take that which it desireth, with no let or hindrance.
By Jesu, yt ys a wondir to wacchen the Honeye Badgere dig. Of its digginge no man may maken comparaison. The Honeye Badger, god woot, ys reallye prettye bad-asse. Thei have no regard for eny other animal whatsoevir.
Yt ys seyd by the men of that contree that yf a Honeye Badger cometh to a hous full of bees, the Honey Badger careth nat. The Honey Badger reketh nat an oystre concerninge any matter. The Honey Badger chargeth anon-right ynto the mansioun of the bees to eten of the litel wormes, the which aren ycleped larva. And thogh the bees do speare the Honeye Badger wyth an thousande stinges, the Honeye Badger reketh nat an oystre, for yt is hungrye and careth nat concerninge the stinges of the bees. No thing can make delay for the Honeye Badger whan hunger possesseth yt. O what a crazye horesonne thys Honey Badger ys!
At one tyme, Ich, John Mandeville, did see a mighti combat bitwene a Honeye Badgere and a Griffon. The mattir stood in much doubt. The Honeye Badgere was eting of a mous. Chargeth nowe the Griffon at the Honey Badger, as if it wolde seye “Get thee hence!” Yet HONEY BADGER CARETH NAT! Honey Bagdere smacketh the merde out of the Griffon. And nowe the Griffon scratcheth at the Honey Badgere wyth its clawes ful of fowele venym.
It passid anon that the Honey Badger did slaye the Griffon and make to ete of the bodye of the Griffon, for the Honey Badger knewe nat that it had been empoysoned. While the Honey Badger did ete of the Griffon, the venym did corrupt and clotere hys blood, so that he falleth a-doun in a swowne. Ich did bihold that wondrous animal falle as yf ded. And yet the Honey Badger did but laye stille a litel while, and then did ryse up agayne and ete of the Griffones bodye. Ywis, it was as yf yt had received no blowe nor no wounde. And then that Honey Badger had a grete feeste of the large bodye of the Griffon for many a daye. And Ich do see that the Honey Badger ys lyk unto the Phoenix of Arabye, that riseth out of yts asshes. Lo, I know nat what maner of signifiaunce ther ys for swich a merveil. Methinketh Henry Bolingbroke sholde putte the Honey Badger on hys coate of armes.