vendredi, mars 23, 2007

Travel Tips from Sir John Mandeville

in whych gentil rederes write unto me, Sir John Mandeville, with questiouns of travel

Hi, Sir John:

My husband and I both grew up in the Southwest, and this summer we’d like to explore a different part of the country. One of my co-workers has offered us the use of her summer house in Upstate New York, near Cooperstown, so we’re going to spend three weeks there in July. Any suggestions on what to see or do? A quick Google search tells me about the Baseball Hall of Fame and the Ommegang Brewery, but I wonder if there are any out-of-the-way wonders I should see.

-Amy in Berkeley

Deere Amy:

Ah, the southe-weste! I knowe of yowre village, Berkley, the which place is in Somerset. Or scholde I seye Zomerzet? I drynke zyder in Zomerzet! Whirr be gwain to? Tiz getting dimpsey, zo cummin yer an wet thee's whistle. Yer, which o they jars is owern? Thicky ones yourn, inner? Dang I if there ain’t a gurt big wapse innun.

O, forgyve me myne japerie! The speeche of Somerset is swete to myne eeres, and I do love to here yt. Any-waye, I trowe that yow are drynkynge a draught of moist and swete cyder—there beeth nat no towne of coopers in York-shire! Ymagine thatte, a whole towne of barrel-makeres! Whatte nexte? A towne in whych all the folke brewe cyder? As for oddities, I have two: the grave of Charles Piazza Smyth in Sharow, the whych thing is y-shaped lyke unto the pyramid in Aegypte, and the work-shoppe of Robert Thompson, the Mouse-Manne, in Kilburn.

My Dear Sir John:

With the introduction of European Union pet passports I am at long last able to travel abroad with my darling baby, Reginald, a five-year-old spaniel mix. Where might a gentleman and his beloved canine relation find welcome over the summer?

-Clement of Soho

Sire Clement, am I to understond that yow have unto yow a child who ys a mix of manne and dog? Verily, I have y-seen swich creatoures before, yn the isle of Nacumera, in the whych place all the folke have the heads of dogs and the verray bodies of men. Yow will be welcome there.

Dear Sir John:

I’m being posted to Mozambique on a diplomatic assignment. Anywhere I should eat in the capital?

-Nelson, Johannesburg

Nelson: Costa do Sol, a seafood restaurant on the Marginal. But drynke nat the greene wyne, for yt is lyke unto turpentine.

Dear Sir John:

I’m a big Elvis fan, and I’m planning a pilgrimage to Graceland this August, on the thirtieth anniversary of the King’s death. Any suggestions?

-Elmo in San Jose

Elmo:

Verily, myne suggestioun is to buye myne booke, in the wych noble tome yow may easily fynde the waye to Jerusalem, the destinacioun of any pilgrimage to grace-land. And get your historie ryght: the laste kynge of Jerusalem was nat a Saxoun yclept Elvis, but was Henry, secounde of that name, who passed thys lyf sixty or mo yeeres ago.

My Dear Sir John:

Norma and I wanted to thank you for your excellent travel advice. I found Adelaide’s Museum of Economic Botany every bit as thrilling as you described! Too bad there weren’t any Little Chefs in Australia, but we fared well enough at Red Rooster, thanks again to your advice. We look forward to having you round for dinner soon—and, of course, seeing you at the Oval.

Yours,

Sir John Major, KG, CH

Dear Sir John:

I’ve always wanted to visit my ancestral homeland, Ireland, and it looks like now I finally have the chance. My visit will start in Dublin, and I wonder if you can recommend a clean, inexpensive hotel.

-Mike Hogan, Cleveland

Mike:

All lodging in Yrlonde is inexpensive. Though that I have nat crossed the Yrysshe See, my freende, Henry Crystede, a gentil equerry to Kynge Richarde, accompanyed our tres puissant lorde to that isle, and he hath no goode thereof to sey. Henry telleth me that the Yrish lyve in holes in the grounde, lyke animales, and that they weareth nat no breeches and have rude maneres atte borde. Go thither if yow plese, but neglect nat to brynge with yow a tente, or at leeste a sleeping bagge, as yow will, sans doubte, slepe uppon the grounde.

21 Comments:

Anonymous Christopher de Gourdon, esq. said...

Dear Sir John,
The mighty Amazon maketh reference unto your booke as being an "...intriguing blend of fact, exaggeration and absurdity". Wouldst thou have commentarie on thys? Manhaters they?

vendredi, 23 mars, 2007  
Blogger Joey said...

This is one of the best entries ever.

samedi, 24 mars, 2007  
Blogger Sir John Mandeville said...

The mighty Amazoun? Swych rivere existeth only in myth.

samedi, 24 mars, 2007  
Anonymous richard second of that name kynge said...

Sire Johan: Thysse thyne aduice beth moste wise, botte ich mustte aske thee whether tis trewe that in Sainte Brandan's isle, which it beth saide is called also Jamaïque,there groweth an herbe yclept ganja the which hath poweres moste plesaunte and helinge?

samedi, 24 mars, 2007  
Blogger herhimnbryn said...

Salutations Sir John,
This site was recommended to me and I shall be back.
Having recently posted a couple of times about modern days pilgrims and posted images of Canterbury, I am so glad that Zhoen of One word blog advised me to come here!

dimanche, 25 mars, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

O Maist Puissant King:

Yt ys in Herodotus' forth buik scribit, that the fowk o Scythia ken mickle o this herb:

"they make a booth by fixing in the ground three sticks inclined towards one another, and stretching around them woollen felts, which they arrange so as to fit as close as possible: inside the booth a dish is placed upon the ground, into which they put a number of red-hot stones, and then add some hemp-seed.

The Scythians, as I said, take some of this hemp-seed, and, creeping under the felt coverings, throw it upon the red-hot stones; immediately it smokes, and gives out such a vapour as no Grecian vapour-bath can exceed; the Scyths, delighted, shout for joy, and this vapour serves them instead of a water-bath; for they never by any chance wash their bodies with water."

(I add thirto that I crie you mercie for my puir renderin into Englisch)

mardi, 27 mars, 2007  
Blogger Sir John Mandeville said...

Yowre majestee:

There ys just swyche an herbe, but its poweres are neithere plesaunte nor helinge; yt will just maketh yow hungry.

Or so I have y-hearde, for I dyd nat inhale of yt.

mercredi, 28 mars, 2007  
Blogger Gwan said...

Daun Chaucere:
Have thou seenest howe muche an astrolabe goeth for these dayes?

http://news.uk.msn.com/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=4369037

Verily this article doth name-chekke thee

mercredi, 28 mars, 2007  
Anonymous webetur said...

Ce commentaire a été supprimé par un administrateur du blog.

mercredi, 28 mars, 2007  
Anonymous richard, seconde of that name, kynge said...

O anonymous lorde of Scottelande, we doe giue thee oure thankes for thisse informacioun.

Sire Johane, we doe begge thee nat to spende thyn tyme and substance wyth lord Gugliemus de Clintone, hee that claimeth nat to have inhaled.

Wee shall henceforthe give little credence to the jongleurs Pierre de Toche and Robertus de Nesta Marleius.

jeudi, 29 mars, 2007  
Blogger Sir Percival said...

Sir Iohan Maundeuyl, I recommende me vnto yow, and mote maken mencioun of a fayre lond that stondeth vpon the grete Pacyfyke Mere, that hyght Bryttishe Colombye in the wide lond of Canade, whereof ye may finden grete forrestes and hyghe mountaygnes. And there is a fayre and thryftful cytee that hyght Vancouvere, whereof there is ryght moche nyghtclubbe lyfe and fayre damoiselles, and thereof methynketh ye sholde hauen fayre hoolidaye. And in Oure Lordes Yeere MMX, in this fayre cytee mote befallen the Games Olympyke, and eke forsooth moche reuelery and feeste y-made.

Sir Perciuale of Walles

vendredi, 30 mars, 2007  
Blogger Sir Percival said...

Sir Iohan Maundeuyl, I recommende me vnto yow, and mote maken mencioun of a fayre lond that stondeth vpon the grete Pacyfyke Mere, that hyght Bryttishe Colombye in the wide lond of Canade, whereof ye may finden grete forrestes and hyghe mountaygnes. And there is a fayre and thryftful cytee that hyght Vancouvere, whereof there is ryght moche nyghtclubbe lyfe and fayre damoiselles, and thereof methynketh ye sholde hauen fayre hoolidaye. And in Oure Lordes Yeere MMX, in this fayre cytee mote befallen the Games Olympyke, and eke forsooth moche reuelery and feeste y-made.

Sir Perciuale of Walles

vendredi, 30 mars, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

This upsets me. It's not jolly on, I tell you. Cleveland, Ohio, upstate New York! I ask you!

Stick to Mickey Mouse and leave off things that don't belong to you.

jeudi, 05 avril, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Ce commentaire a été supprimé par un administrateur du blog.

mercredi, 25 avril, 2007  
Anonymous emlak said...

thank you very nice topic, thanks (:

dimanche, 29 avril, 2007  
Anonymous maon said...

very good info to share..:)

vendredi, 04 mai, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

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mardi, 22 mai, 2007  
Anonymous Andrew said...

Ce commentaire a été supprimé par un administrateur du blog.

jeudi, 19 juillet, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Ce commentaire a été supprimé par un administrateur du blog.

vendredi, 30 novembre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Ce commentaire a été supprimé par un administrateur du blog.

dimanche, 23 décembre, 2007  
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