Buy Myn Anthologie!

O myn gentil rederes, yt hath ben a ful loonge tyme syn ich haue had a moment to wryte a good long poost for myn blog. Loong agoon ich did retourne fro parliament to myn hous in Kente, to fynde litel Lowys in a staat of gret distres upon the roofe! Ich did thynke that sum yonge ladye had raft his herte in twayne, but it turneth out that his Exboxe CCCLX had, as he seyde, “bricked out.” The which was a thing of tristesse for me als wel, for the thynge was al tobroke and wolde nat playe eny games of video. Whan Philippa and ich had talked hym off of the roof ("the warrantie yet stondeth" she seyde), ich entrid my hous to fynde that Kyng Richard had sent a gret quantitee of thinges for me to wryte for hym, the which had mad a gret pyle lyk unto the towir of Babil. And half-wey thurgh myn first night of werke, Philippa did leve the bath on and the house flooded and we haue had a gret sucessioun of carpet-makeres and carpenteres in and out -- sum dayes, ich thinke ich might as wel be the Clerk of the Kinges Werkes, so much construction do ich oversee alredy in this hous! And thus, my goode felawes, ich haue been wyth werke y-swamped, myn fingres wyth ink y-caked, myn shoon wet, myn litel woolen hat y-dusted with sawe-dust, and quilles on my floore as yf an whole parlement of fowles hath y-murdered ben.

Yet oon idea for a project hath in myn herte taken root. Ywis, ye remembren that ich bought many a book whan in Londoun. And yet, for everich book that Ich did buye, yet myn desir for to rede did growe. Ich went from autobiographie, to self-helpe, to westernes, to poetrye – and rederes, whan ich to poetrie y-cam, ich found that ther was no collecioun of poetrye the which had all the beste poemes yn it. For trewely, al the colleciouns of contemporarye poetrye are but poore thin thinges – even the mighti Northon anthologie hath but litel poesie yn it – ywis, even the lerned anthologie of Doctour Treharne hath but fewe of the poemes that ich have y-heard and y-lovid.

And thus, at the prompting of Philippa, who seeth shillinges undir every mannes foot, ich haue taken up the businesse of sellinge myn owene anthologie of poetry:


Ich am in negociaciouns wyth several scrybes and scryveneres to produce thys fyne book. Ye maye look for it at booke-stores neare yow, or contact Hippolyta on-lyne and haue it delivered to yow by warrior-women of the Land of Femenye.

Heere ys what thei call a smal “pre-viewe” of the gret poemes ye shal fynde in myn anthologie. Ye shal see that thys gret book containeth poemes by cherles and kynges, the wel-knowen and the anonymous; poemes of hard livinge and beere and poemes of gret beautee. And nat oon single lyne of that Beowulf thing that is everywhere else. THE CHAUCER ANTHOLOGIE: Poemes that no oothir anthologie of middle englysshe hath evir dreamt of!


by Carolus de Bois-Quasqué

I was goinge somewhere
like chirche
but I got round to Betties
and she had sum ale going
and spices and al that maner merde
and ich seyde to myself
“Swyve this”
Good beere, and sat ther
Cess and Watt, elde buggere Tim Tinkere,
Clarice Cokkeslane – helle, ich hadde a thinge
a couple yeeres ago wyth her
back whan ich was deep yn to the horses.
Had a beere.
Clement and Hikke had sum bull-merde thing up
wyth ther cloke and hood
sum men aren alweys thinkinge money
or mayhap thei wantid to swyve ech oothir.
Moore beere, lyk continuous blood-
And the sonne-set red lyk an appel.
Belly rumblinge lyk a swyving bulle
Up to goon
Pissid on the bar-walle, long ynogh to singe sum opera-
Fell around swyve-all y-blente.
Sum oon carryed me hom-ward
Sleped for dayes yt semed, al blak;
Ich here myn wyfes voys
“Hank, ‘tis Sonday”
and ich seye
“Where is the bolle?
Ich want a drynke.”


by Nostre Trespuissant Kynge Richard II

We haue had y-slayn
the knightes
that were in

And which
ye were probablie
vs to pardoun

The lawe of Engelonde is ower will and lieth in ower breest, knave.


by Sir John Mandeville

In Xanade a mighti soudan yclept Kublai Khan has ther ymaad a place of leysure neer the watir ycleped Alph the which is heeld hooly by the saracens and is neer to greet cavernes. The walles and toures of that place do mesure an greet span, that is to say x myles, and ther are also many fayre gardyns right plenteous of fruyt. And ther was als wel an crevyce the which ran doun the hill toward trees of cedar, at whos bottom was a well, noble and faire, and at several houres of the daye it wolde yive spoute and russhe with watir. I, Iohn Mandeville, saw this, al thogh ich had nat bathed for mony dayes and thus myn hair did float in a maner and myn eyen did flash for ich had no thyng to eten of ther but honeydew melons and sum horses milk. And al folk did daunce thryce around me in their pagan maner. Weirdoes.


by Anonymous

Whan Adam delf, and Eve span,
Who had to write two bookes to get tenure?


by Sir John Clanvowe

Yt is terce in Londoun a Tuesday (or peraventure a Wednesday)
Two dayes bifor the Feest of the Exaltacioun of the Holy Crosse, aye,
Yt is MCCCLXVIII or peraventure MCCCLXIX and ich go to get my bootes shyned
for ich will ryde my palfrey toward Northampton
by vespers and then go right to sup
and ich knowe nat thos folke who shal me feede
Ich walke up the strete, thikke of air, the sunne gynneth shynen
and haue a blancmanger and sum corny ale and buye
an ill-fauored pamflet of NEW BOHEMIAN WRITINGE to seen what the poetes
in Bohemia aren doynge thes dayes
I go on to the exchequer
and Mayster Stondecart (firste name Laurence oones ich herde)
looketh nat at the posicioun of myn accounte stones on the felt for oones in hys lyf
and yn MAYSTER PYNKHURSTES shoppe ich get a litel Machaut
for Geoffrey wyth illuminaciouns by sum Parisian, yet ich do
thynk of Boece de Consolatione, translatid Jean de Meun or
Langlandes newe A-Text Piers or Yvain or Lancelot
of Chrestien, but ich do nat, ich am stedfast to Machaut
aftir well nigh fallynge a-swoun wyth quandarynesse
and for Gower ich just repaire to the CHEPESIDE
tavenrer and ask for a botel of god rhenishe wyn, and
than ich go back whence ich cam to Soperes Lane
and the grocer nere the Pageant Wagon and
lightli demaunde a carton of spyces of pepir and oon
of galyngale, and a PROCLAMACIOUN wyth her visage upon it
and ich sweate muchel nowe and ich thynke upon
leaning on the chambre door at the palais of Sheene
whil she did daunce so comlily, carole and synge so swetely
that my lord Duk John and al and mynself brethed nat


by Dame Julian of Norwich

Hethen slaye yow;
Ovens are hotte;
Inquisitores flaye yow;
And plague-sik haue snotte.
Abbesses growe fatter;
Prechours moote wirche,
Pilgrims oft chatter:
Wall me in a chirche!

56 comment "Buy Myn Anthologie!"

  1. Well done, your Majesty! Reminiscent of Williams at his finest.

    - formerly LiT, now forced to sign in under boring given name

  2. richard second of that name kyngeMarch 9, 2007 at 7:25 AM

    The butte of sack, ich take it, was well receeved?

  3. Ah, myne earlie werke! How straunge yt semeth to me now.

  4. By Sent Loi! Ich will mooste assuredly purchase thi anthologie what time it cometh to be y-scriven.

    Forbye ich haue never naught yet seen in ony place a reason whi swich a wyse and gentile (and, though it mattereth not in Goddes sicht, not ill-favored) dame as is Dame Julian should wall hirself uppe as she hath donne. And yet, hir smalle yet strong pome maketh suche an accion seem eccedding wyse, and also gave me grete myrthe.

    But it seemeth eccedding strange thatte all so many makkers of pomes should use the forme called "blank verse".

  5. Speaking of poets and poetry, it may interest you to know that today's Oxford Dictionary of National Biography Life of the Day is John Gower. It mentions that you were friends, but you may have fallen out because he wrote you out of Confessio Amantis. Do you have any comment to make in reply? Alas, it says nothing about his tendencies towards self-abuse...

  6. "Do you have any comment to make in reply?"

    Besydes re-emphasizing that Gowere is a wankere, in a moore sober veyn ich wolde poynte yow to the followinge lerned essay:

    Dinshaw, Carolyn. "Rivalry, Rape, and Manhood: Gower and Chaucer" in Anna Roberts, ed. Violence Against Women in Medieval Texts.

  7. Dear Mr. Chaucer:

    This is an anonymous stock tip. Did you know your blog is being traded on Blog Shares? It is a game, like Rotisserie Baseball, but trades imaginary stocks in blogs. Check out:
    Good news: your stock is trading at nearly $6000 per share--and 1000 of them are reserved for you if you register. Maybe this will pay for your anthology?? I don't know what the John Gower blog's going rate is, but I'm guessing its not worth as much as yours!

  8. "It is a game, like Rotisserie Baseball"

    By Seynt Lawrence, 'Rotisserye Baseball,' soundeth lyk an game that is pleyed by feendes in helle. Grant merci for yower notificacioun of thys mattir of chaffare yclept 'Blogshares,' yet ich haue many obligaciouns of busynesse thes dayes, so ich haue nat the tyme to joyne.

    Le Vostre Servaunt

  9. Hi,Geoffrey I like your site, and The Wife Of Bath. I write a comedy blog, I wondered if you wanted to take part in an interview to highlight your site. My blog is The questions are as follows :

    Name :
    Age :
    Location :
    Vocation :
    Philosophy :

    Sum up what your blog is about.
    Why are you doing your blog?
    What’s the funniest entry on your site?
    What is your writing style?
    What do people commonly say about your site?
    What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
    Why should someone visit your site?
    What did you learn from your first love?
    Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
    If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
    Tell us about how your life has changed over the years.
    Where do you get the ideas for your stories?
    Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
    Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
    What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
    Any interesting travel stories?
    What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
    Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
    Your Site Address :

    Kind Regards
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    (please include any picture at all that you want to add to the interview)

  10. Sir:

    There are few Things I prefer to a fine Book of Verse (such Things include Perambulations in the Out-of-Doors & fine crusty Rolls). I look forward to more EXAMPLES OF YOUR WIT.

  11. I hope ya'll will forgive me if I address you in this manner; we here are not educated in proper English.

    I've never seen Dorothy Parker's, You Might as Well Live, parodied so historically and hysterically!

    Well done!

  12. I like these poems better than the "originals." Hilarious.

    I think I might add a link to this wonderful site if you wouldn't mind, and please do forgive my uneducated use of the language.

  13. I especially like the Lady Blaunche, but then I've always had a weakness for an "Ich do thys, ich do thatte" poem.

  14. Sir,

    May I repost "Thys Is Just to Saye" in mine own blogge, the better to encourage my readers to visit you?

    Your servant,

  15. I don't remember the priest telling me when I went to Confession when I was a kid, "Well, Lance, it was wrong of you to disobey your mom and talk back to her like that, but since you set the table every night and do your homework and sent your aunt a birthday card, what the heck! You're a good kid. Your sins are forgiven automatically. No need for you to do any penance."糖尿病 心脑血管 文秘 糖尿病 糖尿病症状 糖尿病饮食 妊娠糖尿病 糖尿病预防 糖尿病治疗 糖尿病的预防 怎样预防糖尿病 糖尿病并发症 糖尿病药物 糖尿病足 低血糖 胰岛素 血糖仪 胰岛素泵 什么是糖尿病 并发症治疗 糖尿病急救 糖尿病中医治疗 糖尿病常识 糖尿病食谱 糖尿病的预防 糖尿病人饮食 糖尿病肾病 And maybe it's happened a few times and I haven't heard about it but I can't recall a judge ever letting somebody walk on the grounds the crook was a good guy and his friends really like him.

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  18. Well done, your Majesty!

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