vendredi, mai 25, 2007

I CAN HATH CHEEZBURGER?

Myn gentil rederes, the joly tyme of Averille and May hath not been of much jolitee to me – in feyth, ich haue had but litel tyme to look upon the newe floures and heere the smale foules doyng their thinge, for cursid busynesse hath fallen a-newe vpon me. I was prikked to take thys biswinkful newe labor by grete nede, for whan ich madde myn accountes ich discovred gret dettes and but litel revenue. Thomas, who ys wyth my Lord John of Gaunt in Spayne, had gret need for moneyes to buye a newe blakberrie (for his hath been y-swiped by the Frensshe), and Lowys hath taken up an internship for the somer wyth a Man of Law and thus did need many a fyne robe and tie (ywis, Lowyses raiment on moost dayes ys but a tee shirte and jeans that falle neigh hys ankles for thei aren so loose). Performing the dutees of a Justice of the Pees ys helle of interestinge (cheefly whan we usen blacklites at a crime scene) but it payeth slightli less than nothinge. Ech daye, the many notyces did arryve from Master Card and from thos whom I owed dettes, and at long laste Philippa did taak the mattir into her owen strong, usually shakinge with anger, handes. In myn owen name and in myn owen script she wroot to my Lord Kynge Richard and asked if ther was sum posicioun available.

And so, my freendes, ich haue bicom the Clerk of Kinges Workes. Myn abacus, the which was in the store-room yput wyth Lowyses astrolabe, now gooth with me wheresoever ich go lyk vnto a new, wooden, boringe Ruth. Everich weekend, meseemeth, ich must go to Westminstre, or to the roail palais at Sheene, or to sum smal manor at which several important but unwiedli obiectes are kept that must, withouten delaye, be brought to sum oothir smal manor. And the clerk bifore me did leeve thinges in a soory state. Ich do beleeve that myn predecessour was yiven his knowledge of letteres by chikkens, for hys writinges and accountes aren moore lyk the walking up and doun of several hennes than any maner of human script. Peraventure he was bisy eetinge seed and clucking, for he did but litel of hys job: many an angrie gardiner or ice sculpture maker hath contacted me and yiven me muchel guff for not havynge been y-payed for labor in the kinges servyce. And get me not started concerninge the stonemasones union. But the cash beginneth to flowe. And thus myn owen accountes shal be made wel by my labour on the accountes of the propertees of my Lord the Kyng.

Al of my transportation of sundrie materials and makynge of accomptes hath left me but litel tyme for writing. Ywis, it hath left me but litel tyme for food, sleep or breathinge. And yet in this derke tyme of sorwe and tene, ich haue foond much deliit in the merveillous japeries of the internet. No thyng hath plesed me moore, or moore esed myn wery brayne than thes joili and gentil peyntures ycleped “Cat Macroes” or “LOL Cattes .” Thes wondirful peintures aren depicciouns of animals, many of them of gret weight and girth, the which proclayme humorous messages in sum queynte dialect of Englysshe (peraventure from the North?). Many of thes cattes (and squirreles) do desiren to haue a “cheezburger,” or sum tyme thei are in yower sum thinge doinge sum thinge to yt.

For many dayes ich haue desyred to maak Lolpilgrimes from the smal peyntures that Mayster Linkferste hath ymaad for my Tales of Canterburye - not oonly wolde it be a thing of muchel solaas to me, but it wolde be a good “pre writing exercise” (the which myn tutor, Archbishop Arundel, did alwey saye were of gret necessitee). And thus to-daye whanne ich had a smal spot of tyme bitwene a meetinge wyth a feng shui consultant and a recopyinge of the inventorie of carpentrie supplyes in Windsore, ich did go unto the wondrous LolCat Scriptorium of Gordon de McNaughton and did just go crazye. Syn ich haue not in many dayes y-poosted, ich shalle share with yow myn laboures.

Sum of the Pilgrimes of Canterburye transformed to LolPilgrims, ymaad by Galfridus Chaucer, Justice of the Pees, Clerke of the Kinges Workes

The Knight
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The Maunciple
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heere he shareth a lol concerninge the message of the tale ich haue planned for hym to telle
(and realli, what doth that figure hoold? Meseemeth he hath a potion of heale greater woundes in his hondes)

The Cook
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(ich haue eek seen hym not wasshe hys handes bifor returninge to the makynge of pastees)

The Millere
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chekke the font!

The Prioresse
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The Summoner
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heere he showeth his corrupcion through extortinge a cheezburger

Myn Owene Self
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heere ich refute a clayme of grete errour that was ymaad at Kalamazoo (to which Sire John did travel and did heere and report the sclaundre).
(also, wherefore not Gian Bongiovi?)

The Pardoner
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The Clerk of Oxenforde
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The Wyfe of Bath
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And eek to knytte up the tales and maken an ende of them, ich shalle haue a Parson who telleth an allegorie. Heere he taketh hys allegorie from the Book of LOL:

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Until next tyme, gentils alle, may you hath ur cheezburgers, and ich praye God and Seynt Anthonie the Abbot that ye maye alle fynde ur buckets.

45 Comments:

Blogger Zarquon said...

Here's my lolpilgrim

vendredi, 25 mai, 2007  
Blogger Dr. Virago said...

O GC, yower LOLpilgrims doe gyve grete delyghte and solace! Ich am muchel plesed specialie by the LOLPardoner. Hit ys ful of mirthe becawse yt is trewe!

vendredi, 25 mai, 2007  
Blogger dakiwiboid said...

The LOL Prioresse fills me with great delight!

vendredi, 25 mai, 2007  
Blogger Rachel McKinney said...

OMGZ PARDONER LOLZ

vendredi, 25 mai, 2007  
Anonymous A wantowne and a merye Frere said...

Wel maystow saye that oure Persoun Jankyn knowyth to LOLlen, for dydde nat oure Hooste, gode Harry Bayly, smellen hym as "a LOLlere in the wynde", whanne he dydde swere be Goddes dignitee, and the Persoun it lyked nat?

samedi, 26 mai, 2007  
Anonymous Renee said...

The teres skyppen doun myn chekes, swich mirth yow giue me, Daun Geoffrey!

Also, the gentil wantowne and merye frere aboue maketh an excellente obseruacioun. Haue yow LOLlere affinitees, myn beloued poet? Ich heere that Wyclif hath a grete newe tretise out ycleped "ZOMG Ecclesia"...

samedi, 26 mai, 2007  
Blogger StyleyGeek said...

Please tell me you are making t-shirts of these!

samedi, 26 mai, 2007  
Blogger MiriyaB (Becca) said...

Doth that make thee a Lollard?

dimanche, 27 mai, 2007  
Blogger WhatLadder said...

I thought they should be lolgrims, but lollards is much funnier.

(If you are confused by the lolphenom, I tried to explain it a bit on my blog.)

dimanche, 27 mai, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Plz xcus spelg, bt see Paypal 4 a Donation Button 4 yr xclnt cyt.
www.liewcf.com/blog/archives/ 2005/06/create-paypal-donation-button/

dimanche, 27 mai, 2007  
Blogger ellie said...

Soe grete is myn myrth, ich hath wyth kaffee myn screne yshoured!

dimanche, 27 mai, 2007  
Blogger RaeRae said...

omg! that was hilarious... i'm rolling on the floor laughing (metaphor not literal yet... otherwise i couldn't type.)

dimanche, 27 mai, 2007  
Anonymous Dorothea said...

I'sooth, with laufter am Ich quyte o'ercome, and I moun wax wod for mickel mirth and meryement.

lundi, 28 mai, 2007  
Blogger Joanne said...

My brain is a richer place for having seen these! But it's too late for clever Chaucerising of comments :(

lundi, 28 mai, 2007  
Anonymous richard, seconde of that name, kyng said...

Myn gode Maistre Chavcer, thyn reference to 'newe labor' doth unnerve myn wyse and prudent counsellour Gordon le Brun. He believeth it hath too tony an blaire.

For Ovre parte, UUe are well plesede by thyn diligence in Ovre Seruice.

mercredi, 30 mai, 2007  
Blogger Jen said...

I M IN YR HALUUES SEKEIN YR MARTIRS

mercredi, 30 mai, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Please please please do a Parson T shirt! It's not every day Chaucer states the thesis of my book so elegantly!

mercredi, 30 mai, 2007  
Blogger David said...

RaeRae: regardeth youtube: re: I'm typing LOL

jeudi, 31 mai, 2007  
Blogger curator said...

O myn God. Thine site it pleaseth mee with grete delighte.

vendredi, 01 juin, 2007  
Anonymous rivergirlie said...

u is in my computa, makin me laff lots
k bai

vendredi, 01 juin, 2007  
Blogger Philip. said...

Hi,

I have just discovered your blog and must say how good it is. I'll certainly be back to visit.

If you get a chance, please feel free to say hello on mine, I 'd love to hear from you.

Philip
www.disabled-help.org

samedi, 02 juin, 2007  
Anonymous Unique Directories said...

no one knows wot it's like to be the bad man no one knows what its like to be the sad man :(

samedi, 02 juin, 2007  
Blogger Niall Mor said...

The Monk: We am in ur monastaireez,
Ilumin8in ur manucripz!

vendredi, 08 juin, 2007  
Anonymous Dances Wythe Cattes said...

Yower LOLpilgrimmes maketh in me myche delychte!

vendredi, 08 juin, 2007  
Blogger Guy P said...

LOLZ in mine sum thinge doinge sum thinge to yt!

( http://www.vexappeal.com/lolgod/ )

dimanche, 10 juin, 2007  
Anonymous The Hapless Wryneck said...

I must know what "biswinkful" means. It's become my favorite word, and I've been using it in various contexts since I first read it here, and it's served me well, so I thought that the least I could do would be to find out what it really means.

lundi, 11 juin, 2007  
Blogger fifi said...

THAT is the funniest thing.
What can I say?
best practice all dialects old and new...

mardi, 12 juin, 2007  
Blogger livesbythewoods said...

Just found you. Bloody superb.

mardi, 12 juin, 2007  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

"I must know what "biswinkful" means"

Ye kan go to the English book of wordes

http://ets.umdl.umich.edu/m/med/

In-type "biswinkful" on to the searchinge page below:

http://ets.umdl.umich.edu/m/med/lookup.html

Le Vostre Treshumble Servaunt
GC

mardi, 12 juin, 2007  
Blogger Lol said...

Oh hai lolfrend! Pls come visit. :) http://lolbuffy.blogspot.com/

mercredi, 13 juin, 2007  
Anonymous raincoaster said...

Lolle!!!1!

lundi, 18 juin, 2007  
Anonymous bootsie said...

I iz in ur history txt books. mkin lyk history n stuff!

mardi, 19 juin, 2007  
Anonymous Lily said...

Ich hyve baen LOLing abyut syns fyndyng thys. Thank yu.

dimanche, 08 juillet, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Gode felawe,

Why hastow nat for mony weke ybloggen? In trewthe, it doth bring teres to mine harte.

A redere

mercredi, 25 juillet, 2007  
Anonymous english teacher said...

Thy Millere hath made me laugh most heartily, and I shall show thy site to the young maides in my class who question the relevance of grete bookes to moderne life.

mardi, 14 août, 2007  
Anonymous Raggedy Android said...

I too enjoy the Prioress immensely.
In related humor, I wanted to direct you fine folks to:
www.marriedtothesea.com

jeudi, 04 octobre, 2007  
Blogger Freudian Slip said...

Once again, I love your posts :)

Sally

vendredi, 05 octobre, 2007  
Blogger Elisson said...

I'M ON YOUR BLOGGE...
...SCRIVENING A COMMENTES

Ich wys seized wyth a lauchin-fitte wych seeketh to dislodge mye weye bowelles whan Ich haue redde thys poste.

jeudi, 11 octobre, 2007  
Blogger Miss Fatale said...

This was just brilliant; thank you.

As one who is writing about Chaucer, the comment about the Pardoner being next to a Judith Butler block quote was especially funny.

dimanche, 28 octobre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

LOLlius approves.

lundi, 19 novembre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Why not 'blogge'?

mercredi, 13 février, 2008  
OpenID apooamk said...

lol

Slightly confused but I love it.

mercredi, 20 février, 2008  
Anonymous April said...

Je ne sais pas?

mercredi, 20 février, 2008  
Anonymous bail bonds california said...

The Cook: hilarious! what a wonderful post!!!


Cheers,
Kenniean

dimanche, 10 août, 2008  
Blogger caro said...

please loggethe in to photoebuckete! youre account est unactive and i canne see the lolpilgrims :c.

lundi, 05 octobre, 2009  

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