lundi, septembre 17, 2007

Somer is y-going out.

My deere rederes, it hath been a longe somer, and ful of muchel labour. Kyng Richard hath been avoidyng his roial uncles and many gret lordes of his realm, for thei wolde parte hym from hys advysours and hys courte (the which hath sum thing to do wyth the parliament last fall that many call the "Wondirful Parliament” but that Kyng Richard calleth the “Merdeful”). And sithen ich am the clerke of the kinges werkes, ich haue had to do al of the administracioun, and followen the court and set up all maner of water-slydes and tournamentz and moon-bounces. And thus hys majestee hath visited mony straunge strondes and fer places. First he and hys court did goon to...

By seynt Thomas, I kan writen namoore of thys. Myn herte ys redy to burste out of myn chest, so gret is the angre and the bittre sorwe that ys in my soule...


By the blood and nayles and bones of Our Lord, how swyving dare any man to make japeryes of Britney de Speres? Considereth, ye churles, how many sorwes hath y-flocked Britney-ward. Her aunt hath perisshed, and eek she hath tasted the wo that is in mariage, and she hath two swyving enfauntes for the which she must care. Ywis, her hosbond she founde to be nat but an dronklewe man, and a foule adulterer, and nowe the custodie of the children is in the proces of the courtes of the realme.

All of yower care is for the rederes of gossip and the silver that ye shal win when ye speke of her adversitee. YWIS, SHE IS A FLESHLICH CREATURE LIKE THOU OR ME, YE CHURLES!

Ye aren too blinde to see that Britney filleth yower pockets. Forsooth, Britney bringeth food to yower tables, and ye acquite her this by writinge a parcel of merde concerninge her lyf!

She hath nat daunced yn a court yn yeeres. She hath cleped her newest ballad “Yive moore unto me” by cause that it signifieth your avarice and your sclaundre of her, for all ye churles desiren is MOORE MOORE MOORE MOORE MOORE.


Ye shoulde be thankful that Fortuna hath smiled on yow ynough that Britney hath perfourmed for you harlotes.


Johannes Gower hath talked of professionalism and seyd that if Britney was an trewe professional she wolde have plesed the court no mattir what. Concerninge the mattir of professionalism, Mayster Gower, whan hath it been a thing of professionalism to openli sclaundre a soule that endureth grete paines and sorrowes?


O benedicite! O Weylawey!

STOP YOUR SCLAUNDRES OF BRITNEY ANON. For ich speke of the treuthe. If eny of yow hath a problem with Britney, thou kanst do battle with me, Geoffrey Chaucer.

For al beth not wel with her right now.

Leave her al oon.

Je vous en prie.


Blogger Jae H. Lee said...

Why dothe Geoffrey Chaucer of Canterbury, England spendethe longe breathe and mich scope on triffle affairees of American pop culturees?

Even I don't give a hooten and a holleranth for Brittany and I am an American.

Mewaits 'til ye shore ye considerable learnings and talents to wrest a work of substantial fancy. Crossin' my fingerens.

lundi, 17 septembre, 2007  
Anonymous richard, second of that name, kynge said...

Sire Geoffroi, trulie ben it seyde that thou dost ever trete of materes queynte. For sicherly, thisse Mistress de Speeres ben fulle queynte.

How goeth itte atte the customes house? Thatte, ich wot, shoulde thyn werke bin.

lundi, 17 septembre, 2007  
Blogger kim said...

Queynte be the pointe. Or the pointe be atte the queynte. And iffe the pop tarte hadde no queynte, so wolde she be pointelesse.

lundi, 17 septembre, 2007  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

"Why dothe Geoffrey Chaucer of Canterbury, England spendethe longe breathe and mich scope on triffle affairees of American pop culturees?"

By cause ich am living localli and writing globali, kickinge it in Kente and redinge of tidynges from far awey to paye the rente, thus in myn entente. Had I nat pop culture ich sholde be shente.

"Or the pointe be atte the queynte. And iffe the pop tarte hadde no queynte, so wolde she be pointelesse."

Hoo! Ye come neer to the poynt of the sclaundre ich speke of, and my corage is ful redy to back up my defens of Britney with a challange of a smakke-adoun. Ywis, ye speke ful in the maner of Jean de Meun.

lundi, 17 septembre, 2007  
Blogger Aelfgyfu said...

I am right glad of youre retournynge to the blogosphere!

lundi, 17 septembre, 2007  
Anonymous Plumcake said...

I love you. I honestly love you.

lundi, 17 septembre, 2007  
Blogger OKP said...

have no recollection of just how I got here, but now that I am, it must be said:

This blog is made of awesome.

mardi, 18 septembre, 2007  
Blogger dakiwiboid said...

Thou art truly naught but a fan boy!

mardi, 18 septembre, 2007  
Blogger kim said...

Ywis, ich answere youre challange of a smack-adoun. Let it be my poynt agen thyne. For I trowe that my poynt hath grettir virtu thanne thy poynte. Ywis, it shalle be no sclaundre to seye that thou haste no poynt. Thy arrowe goeth astraye, churle, thy shafte beth bente, and thou hast nothynge in thy bagge, no, nor nothynge in thy baskete. Thou canst not playe this game, forasmuch as thou hast no balles. Thy cupboarde be bare, forasmuch as thou hast not meate for thyne argumente. Nor hast thou nuts, nor cocke nor egges neyther. Nor dost thou have a bone to picke. Do I pricke thee on, churle? Oh, play thy pype, churle, for no millere wille playe it for thee. I see thou art woode for thou lacke woode, and thou haste no toole by whiche to crafte an answere but thou art a toole nonethelesse. Graspe thou knobbe and pulle, churle, but nothynge wille come forasmuch as thy stones beth as drye as thy witte. Thou mayst shake thy Speares, ywis, but shake speare beth hard on such an one as ye be, forasmuch as ye be a pecker of smalle bushhes and ye petere oute before the erectione of my corage.

mardi, 18 septembre, 2007  
Blogger kim said...

Ich meane "Graspe thy knobbe" and not "Graspe thou knobbe." But paradventure thou art both a knobbe and canst graspe one.

mardi, 18 septembre, 2007  
Anonymous richard, second of that name, kynge said...

Kim, certes thart the pareil of Maistre Chavcer, and he shalle as his equalle avowen thee.

mardi, 18 septembre, 2007  
Blogger The Oxford Noob said...

Experience of thyne blogge,
Thogh non bloggesphere there be
In al the world,
Is right ynogh for me
To cry out 'weilawey!'

Forsooth, linke thee I shalle

For to seye,
Thy blogge is superbe. :-)

mardi, 18 septembre, 2007  
Blogger Jae H. Lee said...

To Kim,

Me reckins thou hast poured invectives on Chaucer but hasn't made a single salient nor articulate point thyself.

Tune off Ali G and crack open a book, churle.

mardi, 18 septembre, 2007  
Blogger Jae H. Lee said...

Ce commentaire a été supprimé par l'auteur.

mardi, 18 septembre, 2007  
Blogger kim said...

Flame warre!

"...thou...hasn't made a single salient nor articulate point..."

That would be "...thou...haven't made a single salient nor articulate point..." And I agree, thou haven't. Ye sholde cracke open a grammar, churle.

Kim, maistresse of the arte of invectif

mardi, 18 septembre, 2007  
Blogger Tony said...

Please, please make a "stop your sclaundres of britney!" t-shirt.

mercredi, 19 septembre, 2007  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

Mon cher Antonio,

Ich ne kan saye "nay" to a requeste for the makynge of a shirte. Here ye go:*/product/235609116263060472?CMP=OTC-4DI168192205

Now, to thinken on a replye to Maystresse Kim.

mercredi, 19 septembre, 2007  
Blogger Barb said...

Ich am sooooo joyeauxful thou hast returned!! Now, oncet again, the beverage of mine choice can comst shootingeth out of mine nostrils.

mercredi, 19 septembre, 2007  
Blogger Heather Meadows said...

You, sir, are brilliant.

jeudi, 20 septembre, 2007  
Blogger heldmyw said...

Nay, nay... leve off, leve off.

Sadde ast maye be, Brittanee is a fatted hogge, trotted ein league too far. E'en her plucked privates (mayde all too publicke in the smutee gazettes), revolt the stomack and travail a man's loins...

"Not e'en with rented quille would I write my love in her" say the younkers and jackanapes at the publick house.

Her teates sag, her belly floppeth... to music and dance, she is what Gowere is to poetry.

Have done...

dimanche, 23 septembre, 2007  
Blogger Karl Steel said...

Shouldn't that be Armorik de Speres?

You know, "In Armorik, that called is Britayne..."

mardi, 25 septembre, 2007  
Blogger which_chick said...

If Britney but wore smallclothes, I wold no mockery make. The girl ne covereth nat. It is unsemely and wikked, yet her privee partes are shewen (shaven, stubbled, or waxed smooth) to paparazzi thrice weekly.

It mattereth not to me that her hosbond is an dronklewe man, and a foule adulterer. I care not for her swyving children nor for her battle of custody. The apothecary has fine drugges that all men (and women) may sow and sow wyld oates or tame oates yet enjoy croppe failure over and again. In thys tyme, children happen by choice, not as an unfortunat and inescapable byproduct of swyving. For Britney's babes, her hosbond, her battle custodial -- she made that bedde, let her lie in it. None of Britney's trials yet has aught to do with the wearing of smallclothes, the which she ought do more often. So say I.

jeudi, 27 septembre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Gude Maitresse Kym (or Demoiselle Kym, whome if une amie of Lowys mote be yclept Litel Kym):

Whanne hath Maitre Geoffrey y-pissed upon yower Cheerieaux? for soothe, sore vilanie he mote have done ageyns yow to erne swich grete choler. If it be nat so, ich begge yow to seek sum doctor of leechecrafte to physik swich evel humours from yower veynes, whilom our hoste mayhap sekes a yeman to garde in the ways of "choler ID".

jeudi, 04 octobre, 2007  
Blogger Lya de Putti said...

My deere Geoffrey. Canst a body subscribeth somehow to thyne blogge? I am of ffeeble mind and knowest not how to be notified of a new posting by automatic means.

samedi, 06 octobre, 2007  
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Anonymous Anonyme said...

What a blog. I would just like to let you know that you might want to lay off the 'ol Risperdal. It's pretty psychotic. Now, listen to the Sparks and all will be yours for mine it is.

dimanche, 07 octobre, 2007  
Anonymous rivergirlie said...

hitte me babye oune more tyme

lundi, 15 octobre, 2007  
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mardi, 16 octobre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Sire Geoffrey Chaucer,
Ich belyev the sclaundres of Britney muste alsce be stopede. Yow ar verye thowghtfull of Britney. Evene thowghe shee is nowe a loneye binne, how cane youe noot dance and sinnge to "gime gime moore"! We cann onlye hoppe and prraye thate here musice wile makee a gode comme baccke. Pore herte of here. If note sh juste migghte "opse ich dide it againse" baccke into here wrong doinngse.

jeudi, 18 octobre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

I fynde yere postes heere toe bee of mooch intyreest to mee. Yow fynde a waye toe bee smarte and mooderne at thee seme tyme, syche as yeer teeke oon Britney de Spheres who hathe teryble problemes, and ye speke wyth mooch wysdome as wele. I caan eevn buye t-shirtes aat thee seme tyme! I heort thee "whatte thee swyve!?" shirte thy moste! Keepe oon wryting yere blooge; I fynde it amoosing and enformationale : )

Syree fore thee baade Englishe,


jeudi, 18 octobre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

I fynde yere postes heere tow bee of mooch inteerest to mee. Yow fynde a waye toe bee creetive and moderne at thee seme tyme, sych as yeer teeke on Britney de Spheres who hathe tyrible problemes, and ye speke wyth mooch wysdom as wele. I caan eevn buye t-shirtes! I heort thee "WTS" Whatte thee swyve?! shirte thy most! Keepe oon wryting yere blooge, I fynde it amoosing and enformationale : )

Sory fore thee baad Englishe,


jeudi, 18 octobre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Dere Sire,

What ye sai ys moste interrestyng. Pore Britney ye ryghtli saay! Heer perrsonale stile ys unnyque. Heer parenntyng technyqse oghte to be publyshede in a howe-to-boke. Theere are fare too manie “swyving enfauntes” runnyng aronde and ruynyng anie oportunyte thyre paarentes myghte haf fore enjoeing themsellves. Lyfe ys too shorte to haf to worie abote chyldrene or abote coverryng yerselfe up in lotts of fabryces! Haf funn! The peeple who slaandere heer are symplee jelouse becuse theie are unhapie and ynsecuree. Britney dose not deeserve to be gosipede abote. It ys the reste of the peeple who nede to chaynge thyre prudysh waees.


vendredi, 19 octobre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

I am ynclined to agree wyth ye goode sire. it is sylli of folke to care or criticise anothere they do not knowe. the sadde parte is folke knowe ful wel that it is naught to do wyth them and yet they carye on. but you sire have a cleere eye, kepe uppe the goode werk.

p.s. i much enjoyed the picturs of ocks menne

vendredi, 19 octobre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Interrestyng. Yf yow axe mee, ich thynke Britney ys a wretch. Ich dorste nat routhe hir. Lyk al thee celebrytyees, Britney ys wood. Evere syncee hir affayr wyth Sir Kevin Federline, Britney’s ben yvel! Hir two enfauntes weer hir faulte! Her hosbond wase a dronklewe man ande a baade rappere thowghe. Ich praysee ye for youre thowghts. Kepe uppe the gode werk!


vendredi, 19 octobre, 2007  
Blogger Rachel said...

Ce commentaire a été supprimé par l'auteur.

vendredi, 19 octobre, 2007  
Blogger Rachel said...

Greetyngs, Master Chaucer!
Ich enjoye yor blog greatlie, tho ich do haff to disagree with ye about Britney. Ich thynk She hath broughte on much of her mysfortune of late herself. Trewe, Kevin Federline ys naught but a foule, dronklewe man, but ys it not partlie hir owyn faulte for beyng a poore judge of charachtre? And yn regards to her enfauntes, ich am sure oon as riche and famouse as Britney de Speres cold have aforded condommes. Everyoon maketh mistakes, tho, so ich agree that the maybee gossip surroundyng her should cease.

vendredi, 19 octobre, 2007  
Blogger Frogdancer said...

Didn'T I see you on Youtube?

dimanche, 21 octobre, 2007  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...


"Trewe, Kevin Federline ys naught but a foule, dronklewe man, but ys it not partlie hir owyn faulte for beyng a poore judge of charachtre? "

Ye make a goode poynt of disputacioun heere, yit ich se nat wherefor folk sholde blame the victim of decepcioun. The obligacioun falleth vpon Mayster Fayderlyne to be an good knight and trewe, nat vpon Britney to se the future. Thogh peraventure a man who koude muchel of astrologye might have seen yn to the herte of Kevin the fals-semblant bifor thys disastre happened.

Indede, peraventure yt is tyme for me to bicom an astrologer to celebritees. It semeth yt wolde do hem much good.

Le vostre

mardi, 23 octobre, 2007  
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lundi, 05 novembre, 2007  
Blogger S0mbre said...

Ich con not speeken or writen yn Chaucers Englysshe verrie wel al be that ich can noght in existence but reioise with this blogge floshe yn blisse! Ich wolde fain gladde to bicomen oon parte-taker but con ich not howe...

vendredi, 16 novembre, 2007  
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Anonymous Tarpin of Armenye said...

This Demoiselle de Speres is certis a sillye wench, but me liketh hir syngyng and dauncing. Forsoothe ich haue recordynges of manie of hir ballades in my colleccioun.

Ye may beleve that by the worde Recordynges ich telle of parchementes ywriten by a clerke, but nay! Thise Recordynges aren of a magickal specie, in appearaunce like unto a silvern dysshe, sume xv barleycornes in widenesse, with an hole through the middel. Sum man setteth swich dysshe into a devyce, that shineth a beame of light upon it and summoneth forth musickes or voyces or other soundes ygraven theron. Men of the Holie Churche may saye that swich machina be the worke of the Devyll. To that ich saye that it may be so, for that in my place of labour ich heare manye swiche disshes, wheron are ygraven the verye voyces of Satan and the damned sowles of helle.

There aren yet other dysshes of similar fashioun, which bringeth forth movyng images in a windowe. In this windowe can a man see all maner of thynges, from the life of Most Holye Jhesu to synneres engaged in fornicacioun. Ich haue in my librarye swiche dysshes not onlie of the songes and daunces of Britney de Speres, but also of poppe starres from the farawaye empyre of Zipangu that aren lykewise of litel substaunce but pleaseth me betere.

dimanche, 16 décembre, 2007  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Ce commentaire a été supprimé par un administrateur du blog.

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