Somer is y-going out.

My deere rederes, it hath been a longe somer, and ful of muchel labour. Kyng Richard hath been avoidyng his roial uncles and many gret lordes of his realm, for thei wolde parte hym from hys advysours and hys courte (the which hath sum thing to do wyth the parliament last fall that many call the "Wondirful Parliament” but that Kyng Richard calleth the “Merdeful”). And sithen ich am the clerke of the kinges werkes, ich haue had to do al of the administracioun, and followen the court and set up all maner of water-slydes and tournamentz and moon-bounces. And thus hys majestee hath visited mony straunge strondes and fer places. First he and hys court did goon to...

By seynt Thomas, I kan writen namoore of thys. Myn herte ys redy to burste out of myn chest, so gret is the angre and the bittre sorwe that ys in my soule...

STOP YOUR SCLAUNDRES OF BRITNEY!

By the blood and nayles and bones of Our Lord, how swyving dare any man to make japeryes of Britney de Speres? Considereth, ye churles, how many sorwes hath y-flocked Britney-ward. Her aunt hath perisshed, and eek she hath tasted the wo that is in mariage, and she hath two swyving enfauntes for the which she must care. Ywis, her hosbond she founde to be nat but an dronklewe man, and a foule adulterer, and nowe the custodie of the children is in the proces of the courtes of the realme.

All of yower care is for the rederes of gossip and the silver that ye shal win when ye speke of her adversitee. YWIS, SHE IS A FLESHLICH CREATURE LIKE THOU OR ME, YE CHURLES!

Ye aren too blinde to see that Britney filleth yower pockets. Forsooth, Britney bringeth food to yower tables, and ye acquite her this by writinge a parcel of merde concerninge her lyf!

She hath nat daunced yn a court yn yeeres. She hath cleped her newest ballad “Yive moore unto me” by cause that it signifieth your avarice and your sclaundre of her, for all ye churles desiren is MOORE MOORE MOORE MOORE MOORE.

STOP YOUR SCLAUNDRES OF BRITNEY!

Ye shoulde be thankful that Fortuna hath smiled on yow ynough that Britney hath perfourmed for you harlotes.

STOP YOUR SCLAUNDRES OF BRITNEY!

Johannes Gower hath talked of professionalism and seyd that if Britney was an trewe professional she wolde have plesed the court no mattir what. Concerninge the mattir of professionalism, Mayster Gower, whan hath it been a thing of professionalism to openli sclaundre a soule that endureth grete paines and sorrowes?

STOP YOUR SCLAUNDRES OF BRITNEY!

O benedicite! O Weylawey!

STOP YOUR SCLAUNDRES OF BRITNEY ANON. For ich speke of the treuthe. If eny of yow hath a problem with Britney, thou kanst do battle with me, Geoffrey Chaucer.

For al beth not wel with her right now.

Leave her al oon.

Je vous en prie.

53 comment "Somer is y-going out."

  1. Why dothe Geoffrey Chaucer of Canterbury, England spendethe longe breathe and mich scope on triffle affairees of American pop culturees?

    Even I don't give a hooten and a holleranth for Brittany and I am an American.

    Mewaits 'til ye shore ye considerable learnings and talents to wrest a work of substantial fancy. Crossin' my fingerens.

    ReplyDelete
  2. richard, second of that name, kyngeSeptember 17, 2007 at 5:43 AM

    Sire Geoffroi, trulie ben it seyde that thou dost ever trete of materes queynte. For sicherly, thisse Mistress de Speeres ben fulle queynte.

    How goeth itte atte the customes house? Thatte, ich wot, shoulde thyn werke bin.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Queynte be the pointe. Or the pointe be atte the queynte. And iffe the pop tarte hadde no queynte, so wolde she be pointelesse.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Why dothe Geoffrey Chaucer of Canterbury, England spendethe longe breathe and mich scope on triffle affairees of American pop culturees?"

    By cause ich am living localli and writing globali, kickinge it in Kente and redinge of tidynges from far awey to paye the rente, thus in myn entente. Had I nat pop culture ich sholde be shente.

    "Or the pointe be atte the queynte. And iffe the pop tarte hadde no queynte, so wolde she be pointelesse."

    Hoo! Ye come neer to the poynt of the sclaundre ich speke of, and my corage is ful redy to back up my defens of Britney with a challange of a smakke-adoun. Ywis, ye speke ful in the maner of Jean de Meun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am right glad of youre retournynge to the blogosphere!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love you. I honestly love you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. have no recollection of just how I got here, but now that I am, it must be said:

    This blog is made of awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thou art truly naught but a fan boy!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ywis, ich answere youre challange of a smack-adoun. Let it be my poynt agen thyne. For I trowe that my poynt hath grettir virtu thanne thy poynte. Ywis, it shalle be no sclaundre to seye that thou haste no poynt. Thy arrowe goeth astraye, churle, thy shafte beth bente, and thou hast nothynge in thy bagge, no, nor nothynge in thy baskete. Thou canst not playe this game, forasmuch as thou hast no balles. Thy cupboarde be bare, forasmuch as thou hast not meate for thyne argumente. Nor hast thou nuts, nor cocke nor egges neyther. Nor dost thou have a bone to picke. Do I pricke thee on, churle? Oh, play thy pype, churle, for no millere wille playe it for thee. I see thou art woode for thou lacke woode, and thou haste no toole by whiche to crafte an answere but thou art a toole nonethelesse. Graspe thou knobbe and pulle, churle, but nothynge wille come forasmuch as thy stones beth as drye as thy witte. Thou mayst shake thy Speares, ywis, but shake speare beth hard on such an one as ye be, forasmuch as ye be a pecker of smalle bushhes and ye petere oute before the erectione of my corage.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ich meane "Graspe thy knobbe" and not "Graspe thou knobbe." But paradventure thou art both a knobbe and canst graspe one.

    ReplyDelete
  11. richard, second of that name, kyngeSeptember 17, 2007 at 8:21 PM

    Kim, certes thart the pareil of Maistre Chavcer, and he shalle as his equalle avowen thee.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Experience of thyne blogge,
    Thogh non bloggesphere there be
    In al the world,
    Is right ynogh for me
    To cry out 'weilawey!'

    Forsooth, linke thee I shalle
    At oxfordnoob.blogspot.com.

    For to seye,
    Thy blogge is superbe. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. To Kim,

    Me reckins thou hast poured invectives on Chaucer but hasn't made a single salient nor articulate point thyself.

    Tune off Ali G and crack open a book, churle.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Flame warre!

    "...thou...hasn't made a single salient nor articulate point..."

    That would be "...thou...haven't made a single salient nor articulate point..." And I agree, thou haven't. Ye sholde cracke open a grammar, churle.

    Kim, maistresse of the arte of invectif

    ReplyDelete
  16. Please, please make a "stop your sclaundres of britney!" t-shirt.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Mon cher Antonio,

    Ich ne kan saye "nay" to a requeste for the makynge of a shirte. Here ye go:

    http://www.zazzle.com/jurgen9*/product/235609116263060472?CMP=OTC-4DI168192205

    Now, to thinken on a replye to Maystresse Kim.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ich am sooooo joyeauxful thou hast returned!! Now, oncet again, the beverage of mine choice can comst shootingeth out of mine nostrils.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Nay, nay... leve off, leve off.

    Sadde ast maye be, Brittanee is a fatted hogge, trotted ein league too far. E'en her plucked privates (mayde all too publicke in the smutee gazettes), revolt the stomack and travail a man's loins...

    "Not e'en with rented quille would I write my love in her" say the younkers and jackanapes at the publick house.

    Her teates sag, her belly floppeth... to music and dance, she is what Gowere is to poetry.

    Have done...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Shouldn't that be Armorik de Speres?

    You know, "In Armorik, that called is Britayne..."

    ReplyDelete
  21. If Britney but wore smallclothes, I wold no mockery make. The girl ne covereth nat. It is unsemely and wikked, yet her privee partes are shewen (shaven, stubbled, or waxed smooth) to paparazzi thrice weekly.

    It mattereth not to me that her hosbond is an dronklewe man, and a foule adulterer. I care not for her swyving children nor for her battle of custody. The apothecary has fine drugges that all men (and women) may sow and sow wyld oates or tame oates yet enjoy croppe failure over and again. In thys tyme, children happen by choice, not as an unfortunat and inescapable byproduct of swyving. For Britney's babes, her hosbond, her battle custodial -- she made that bedde, let her lie in it. None of Britney's trials yet has aught to do with the wearing of smallclothes, the which she ought do more often. So say I.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Gude Maitresse Kym (or Demoiselle Kym, whome if une amie of Lowys mote be yclept Litel Kym):

    Whanne hath Maitre Geoffrey y-pissed upon yower Cheerieaux? for soothe, sore vilanie he mote have done ageyns yow to erne swich grete choler. If it be nat so, ich begge yow to seek sum doctor of leechecrafte to physik swich evel humours from yower veynes, whilom our hoste mayhap sekes a yeman to garde in the ways of "choler ID".

    ReplyDelete
  23. My deere Geoffrey. Canst a body subscribeth somehow to thyne blogge? I am of ffeeble mind and knowest not how to be notified of a new posting by automatic means.

    ReplyDelete
  24. What a blog. I would just like to let you know that you might want to lay off the 'ol Risperdal. It's pretty psychotic. Now, listen to the Sparks and all will be yours for mine it is.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  26. Sire Geoffrey Chaucer,
    Ich belyev the sclaundres of Britney muste alsce be stopede. Yow ar verye thowghtfull of Britney. Evene thowghe shee is nowe a loneye binne, how cane youe noot dance and sinnge to "gime gime moore"! We cann onlye hoppe and prraye thate here musice wile makee a gode comme baccke. Pore herte of here. If note sh juste migghte "opse ich dide it againse" baccke into here wrong doinngse.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I fynde yere postes heere toe bee of mooch intyreest to mee. Yow fynde a waye toe bee smarte and mooderne at thee seme tyme, syche as yeer teeke oon Britney de Spheres who hathe teryble problemes, and ye speke wyth mooch wysdome as wele. I caan eevn buye t-shirtes aat thee seme tyme! I heort thee "whatte thee swyve!?" shirte thy moste! Keepe oon wryting yere blooge; I fynde it amoosing and enformationale : )

    Syree fore thee baade Englishe,

    Lorene.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I fynde yere postes heere tow bee of mooch inteerest to mee. Yow fynde a waye toe bee creetive and moderne at thee seme tyme, sych as yeer teeke on Britney de Spheres who hathe tyrible problemes, and ye speke wyth mooch wysdom as wele. I caan eevn buye t-shirtes! I heort thee "WTS" Whatte thee swyve?! shirte thy most! Keepe oon wryting yere blooge, I fynde it amoosing and enformationale : )

    Sory fore thee baad Englishe,

    Lorene.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dere Sire,

    What ye sai ys moste interrestyng. Pore Britney ye ryghtli saay! Heer perrsonale stile ys unnyque. Heer parenntyng technyqse oghte to be publyshede in a howe-to-boke. Theere are fare too manie “swyving enfauntes” runnyng aronde and ruynyng anie oportunyte thyre paarentes myghte haf fore enjoeing themsellves. Lyfe ys too shorte to haf to worie abote chyldrene or abote coverryng yerselfe up in lotts of fabryces! Haf funn! The peeple who slaandere heer are symplee jelouse becuse theie are unhapie and ynsecuree. Britney dose not deeserve to be gosipede abote. It ys the reste of the peeple who nede to chaynge thyre prudysh waees.

    Julya

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am ynclined to agree wyth ye goode sire. it is sylli of folke to care or criticise anothere they do not knowe. the sadde parte is folke knowe ful wel that it is naught to do wyth them and yet they carye on. but you sire have a cleere eye, kepe uppe the goode werk.

    p.s. i much enjoyed the picturs of ocks menne

    ReplyDelete
  31. Interrestyng. Yf yow axe mee, ich thynke Britney ys a wretch. Ich dorste nat routhe hir. Lyk al thee celebrytyees, Britney ys wood. Evere syncee hir affayr wyth Sir Kevin Federline, Britney’s ben yvel! Hir two enfauntes weer hir faulte! Her hosbond wase a dronklewe man ande a baade rappere thowghe. Ich praysee ye for youre thowghts. Kepe uppe the gode werk!

    -Kevin

    ReplyDelete
  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Greetyngs, Master Chaucer!
    Ich enjoye yor blog greatlie, tho ich do haff to disagree with ye about Britney. Ich thynk She hath broughte on much of her mysfortune of late herself. Trewe, Kevin Federline ys naught but a foule, dronklewe man, but ys it not partlie hir owyn faulte for beyng a poore judge of charachtre? And yn regards to her enfauntes, ich am sure oon as riche and famouse as Britney de Speres cold have aforded condommes. Everyoon maketh mistakes, tho, so ich agree that the maybee gossip surroundyng her should cease.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Rachel,

    "Trewe, Kevin Federline ys naught but a foule, dronklewe man, but ys it not partlie hir owyn faulte for beyng a poore judge of charachtre? "

    Ye make a goode poynt of disputacioun heere, yit ich se nat wherefor folk sholde blame the victim of decepcioun. The obligacioun falleth vpon Mayster Fayderlyne to be an good knight and trewe, nat vpon Britney to se the future. Thogh peraventure a man who koude muchel of astrologye might have seen yn to the herte of Kevin the fals-semblant bifor thys disastre happened.

    Indede, peraventure yt is tyme for me to bicom an astrologer to celebritees. It semeth yt wolde do hem much good.

    Le vostre
    GC

    ReplyDelete
  35. Ich con not speeken or writen yn Chaucers Englysshe verrie wel al be that ich can noght in existence but reioise with this blogge floshe yn blisse! Ich wolde fain gladde to bicomen oon parte-taker but con ich not howe...

    ShaficovIsk@yandex.ru

    ReplyDelete
  36. This Demoiselle de Speres is certis a sillye wench, but me liketh hir syngyng and dauncing. Forsoothe ich haue recordynges of manie of hir ballades in my colleccioun.

    Ye may beleve that by the worde Recordynges ich telle of parchementes ywriten by a clerke, but nay! Thise Recordynges aren of a magickal specie, in appearaunce like unto a silvern dysshe, sume xv barleycornes in widenesse, with an hole through the middel. Sum man setteth swich dysshe into a devyce, that shineth a beame of light upon it and summoneth forth musickes or voyces or other soundes ygraven theron. Men of the Holie Churche may saye that swich machina be the worke of the Devyll. To that ich saye that it may be so, for that in my place of labour ich heare manye swiche disshes, wheron are ygraven the verye voyces of Satan and the damned sowles of helle.

    There aren yet other dysshes of similar fashioun, which bringeth forth movyng images in a windowe. In this windowe can a man see all maner of thynges, from the life of Most Holye Jhesu to synneres engaged in fornicacioun. Ich haue in my librarye swiche dysshes not onlie of the songes and daunces of Britney de Speres, but also of poppe starres from the farawaye empyre of Zipangu that aren lykewise of litel substaunce but pleaseth me betere.

    ReplyDelete
  37. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
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