Grendel to His Modor

My deere rederes,

Of late, Ich have been up y-swept into the worlde of literarie celebritee. Syn that Wm. Caxton ys publisshinge my book, he hath connectid me wyth a PR ("Parchement Relaciouns") agencie, the which hath sought to place my sumwhat wyde figure in al locaciouns that may be of assistaunce in sellinge my book of blog. Philippa, for oones, hath been swept up wyth deepest delight at my writinge, and hath usid thys as an excuse to buy al maner gownes and jewelerie. She hath alredy incurred two tickets for sumptuarye lawe violaciouns.

We did make the rounde of awardes-shewes and festivals. Philippa and Ich did trede of the carpet rouge at the Aureate Spheres, the which shewe ys run by astrologers who given awardes based on the gret planetes of the skye. Ich was delited to meet the wynneres of "Leest Mercurial Career" and "Most Jovial Performance in a Revenge Tragedie" at the apres-partyes. And eek we did goon unto the Aesgars, the which are the moost notable alliteratif awardes shewe, and include categories swich as "Moost Synonyms For Warrior Used in Oon Fitt," "Longest Huntinge Scene," and "Best Use of Traditionally Polytheistic Themes in a Christian Setting."

Also, Mayster Caxton hath introducid me to othir writeres in the literarye world. Ich feele rathir sillye to be in swich company, for al Ich kan speke of is enrollinge custoumes accountez, pleying video games, and Boethius. But nevirtheless sum of the writeres are good folk who tolerate my churlishnesse and lak of hipenesse, and Ich am gretely plesid to be of their felaweshep. Ich am nowe a card-carryinge member of the "Domesday Group." Often on nightes Ich go to chat about apocalyptic spiritualitee, non-linear narratifs, and county organisacioun with Virginia Wulfstan and the E. M. the Forester.

Al of this maketh me feele lyk a Salamander out of fyre, but at leest exposure to the literarye world hath given me sum advantages. For oon ensaumple, deere rederes, Ich did mencioun that Ich wisshed to make sum poost of motheres daye for my blog and yet Ich had no thyng to seye. At which poynt, Virginia Wulfstan did russhe about wyth gret fervor and then yive me a scrap of parchemen that sche had yn the librarie of her hous. Sche was going to publisshe it herself, but sche seyde that Ich koud put it out upon my blogge.

So in reverence and honour of this daye of motheres, Ich yive unto yow, good rederes, thys smal, ancient poem of elder dayes, the which was composid by a poet named Grendel:

Deare thankes to thee Modor for derke comfortes of childhood;
The meere ever merry thogh of money we had litel.
Aye a body on our bord, whos neck thou brokest thyself,
Thogh it ment walking in wyld wynter for thee
To kill a hapless warrior unhelped by his helm.
From neighbors nasty thou didst protect me,
And other demon-childer thou donkedst on the hede
Whan thei made fun of my funkyie-lookinge fingers,
The hard hand spurs that Ic of Dad’s DNA had.
Whanne Ic waxed had VI yeeres and wanted a partye,
You hyred the huge serpents who hover yn the lake –
With their grim jaws thei gave flight to the guests
(Foolish Dane childer who, cake-lured, dyede):
With wynsome joye Ic watched that riot of razor-teeth.
No partye for a prince koud boaste swich a pettinge zoo,
Or swich fearsome pinatas that in candyes place heeld payne!
Ic would liefer lyve with thee in the layres of darkness
And step the steep borders in the silent hills
Than dwell in the dearest hall that men deck
Wyth streamers and candles on Christesmasse tyde.
Wylde Geats koud nat get me to go oon step thee-from!
Merry Modors-daye, Modor, from Grendel, thy sone.

Happye Motheres Daye to Alle,

Le Vostre

11 comment "Grendel to His Modor"

  1. Il semble que je doit enregistrer un commentaire en français; bon.

    Félicitations pour le livre nouveau! J'ai l'ajouté à mon panier.

  2. One would have thought you'd celebrate the English Mother's day on March the 14th, not the American one. Was it just a printing delay? Give that printer a firm kicking!

  3. I laughed so hard I spit out gobbets of the Danish warrior I was having for breakfast.

  4. Y-peynte myn pageante! þey calle the Wulf ‘Virginia’?! Mayhap þe ystorie of Pope Joan be soothe, or perchance þe Wulf be so clept bi counsel of scrivener Walker Bynum, for to enflame mennes hertes to vertu bi meditacion continual of the chaste pagan (myn herte! triacle!) and ek the nature of oure lordes sweete moder? Ywis, ‘virginia’ there be a sacra causa. þough the mariolatry subtextus yn the lettre of grendal is somdel more derk than in thyn ABC, y truste thyn blissed ‘Virginia’ shal send us to the hous of lyght! Yet y forthink thys ‘Doomsday-et-gloom’ attitude may nat end in mirth... ‘Virginia’ suffrid the firste attack of the wicing when she was yet younge and y dred anoder, worse attack may send hir out allone to the flod... oftetimes I hear hir muttering ‘ealles to swyðe, ealles to swyðe’...

  5. That is so brilliant that you have a book coming out! Is it made up of previous blogs with commentary from he academic community? Are there essays about medieval studies and new media? I must order my own copy of this book straightaway!

  6. Hi Mr. Chaucer,

    We at smallGRAND productions enjoy your blog and thought you may be interested in our latest video. "Troubadour, Wenches" is a medieval rap video about a rebellious troubadour and his ballin, decadent lifestyle.

    If you like the video, we'd love for you to post it on your blog.

    Thanks so much for watching!
    Dan and the smallGRAND team

  7. Æt læste, þu hæst gegiefen up on þam niwe-gefangled writunge on ane god eald-fascioned sang gewriten! Wel cunne ic þisses Grendles, þæt lange hwile hæð gewunnen wið minne ealde wine Hroðgar. Ac his modor, ic hæbbe hyrde telle, is fela luflic, ond lociað mæst lic Ængelyna Iolie.

    -Hygelac, cyning Geata

  8. In numero scriptorum aestimari non tibi opus est hipnesse; sufficiunt caritatem monstrare et bene de rege mereri. Fama est Catonem eum vocabat oratorem qui sit <>; vir bonus, scribendi peritus es, ergo auctor.

    Omen tam bonum librum eduxisse in hac Dominae nostrae Mariae mense est, cuius sunt semper sub numine Angli et rex eorum.

  9. ich seon a sweuen feourti swaellow,
    sithen ich thoht kuthe
    thaes fugelum derke, swert ond yaellou;
    myn mynd swa thestred nuthe.

    as ald and nighte wotless crepen
    fore-uuit and hind mi dure,
    gebede to louerd til geslepen,
    and hereth noht mi bure.

    thaet gyltum steuen pines my suueuene
    to droeuen munangun maeder
    ich singen hymmun ilche ellefen
    ond somnen alle to gaeder

    thaes halgan gastum halgem beamen
    forletten rehtwisse syn
    forthon hes suencengumam deamen
    mine sawla gelessen pine

    of lichamlice ond gastlich bend
    forlessen as we beden
    eower lytel ogan gecerred yuguth
    o send mec hwer thu lifigende.

    ur ecce feder in heouene thu art
    gehalloued thine name
    cumeth thin rice mankynnes hart
    thy willa made in fame

    als wunderlokest heauene sich
    we sihst but at ur graue
    selle us on earthe swa heauene illiche
    ur daeghwamliche lafe

    forgeue us allre ur gyltus
    swa we forletten theim
    hwa scyldigas ageinist us
    ur deg ond nihtes leom

    gelead us noht aa costeunge
    hwat maken foule thwong
    ac forlessen swa the deofles tunge
    swa fultume hehte us songe

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