mardi, mars 28, 2006

flayme werre


BSL! Mayster Johann Gowere ys on me lyk galauntyne on a pyk. Nowe by alle the sayntz he stoopeth so lowe that he leaveth barbede commentes on myn blogge.

Videlicet:

Myn Gentil Gefroi:
Ich am muchel wrothe at thy japes and hostyl wordes, yow seem overe eager to maken me seem a smale and pityeful man.
Whatte hath Ich wroght to maken mine self so displeysing to yow?
Johannes Gowere
ps. my liverie is bettere and ich do notte share it so freelye to harvest the gold of compleat strangeres.


O, pleye the martyr, Mayster Gower. Thou knowst myn quarel wel, butte so thatte I maye maken the roote and engendrure of myn angre cleere to all, ich have writen a formal appeal ayeinst thee.

Videlicet:

SCIANT PRESENTES ET FUTURI and alle those who maye linke to thys page, I Geoffrey Chaucer in the presence of the internette knowlechede thes wordes and typede them wyth myn owene fingres and thus I hereof appeale myn erstwhile freende and companioun Johanness Gowere that he ys a wanker.

ITEM. Thou hast removede mencioun of me from the secounde drafte of thyn confessio amantis. WTF!?! & hereof I appeale thee John Gowere that thou art a wanker.

ITEM. Thou nedest getten a lyfe of thyne owene - whenevir ich wisshe to hange out with tommye uske or ralph strode or sir ‘t-bone’ clanvowe and juste have some heade-to-heade tyme, thou art alwayes on aboute comynge alonge and then thou makest vs lystene vnto thy talke of moralitees and monkes and yt is ful borynge and maken myn eyes to droope yn slepe. & hereof I appeale thee John Gowere that thou art a wanker.

ITEM. The tale of the miller of hendy nicholas and eek the tale of the reeve of the miller who was trickede dide plesen thou nat, the whiche is strongere affirmacioun that thou art a humorless wrecche than evene thyne intolerable miroir de l'homme. & hereof I appeale thee John Gower that thou art a wanker.

ITEM. For lyke VI monthes thow hadst me callen thou backe immediatlie aftir tho called me because thou hadst notte the minutes. Thou shouldst have gotten a goode celle phone planne lyk everybodi els in the worlde.

ITEM. Thou nedst to getten thyn owene topics. Lucretia? Costance? Stop messynge up myn game.

ITEM. Ich do suspecte that thou beginst to harbour unplesaunte thoghtes towards myn deere Kynge Richarde. & hereof I appeale thee John Gower that thou kanst not be verye enamourede of thatte heade on thyne shouldres.

ITEM. Altho thou art rich yn landes and thus nede notte worke, thou japest at me for myn necessarie and profitable labour at the costoume hous and also thou disrespectest myn liverie the whiche ys not a coole thynge to do at alle. & hereof I appeale thee John Gower that thou art a wanker.

And of al thes matirs ich stande redye to preven them yn whatevir maner be judged resonable. And Godde and trewthe shal deciden whethir thou beest a wanker or nat.

(but thou totallye art and thou knowst yt)

50 Comments:

Anonymous Christina--->Marve said...

Gowere, thou hast beene soundly pwned.

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Certes, Miladye Christina hath the ryghte of thys mattere.

~Deuotede Followre of GC

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

TIP: Next time, just to spice things up a bit, you could use l33t sp34k to insult him.

- Lost in Transcription
(henceforth LiT)

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Blogger good morning, midnight said...

Dear Gower, stop buggering my Geoffrey.

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Miss Nell said...

Maistre Geoff, do please make a t-shirt with the legend "I appeale thee John Gower that thou art a wanker."

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Micht thow not also speke of the judgement of Dunbar, the Scot, quho wrochte of thee maist plaisant in hys Lament?

He hath most piteously devour
The noble Chaucer of makaris flower,
The Monk of Bury, and Gower all thre:
Timor mortis conturbat me.

Thyrd billyng for Gower, but primus inter pares for gentil Geoff!

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Iche can finde nonne falshod in what thu sayst, OG. At ure kynges courte, whanne so euer Ich and alle the wights steped in gentilless and noriture maken merye, Gower tempteth to pleigh his meagre witte, and all greneth for displesure. Ure king seyeth truly-- Gower ys where runnynge japes goth to sterven.

Henry Scogan

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Rachildis said...

Chaucer hath ane posse.

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

Messire H-Scog -- greate to see thee onlyne! Hastow a blog of thyne owene?

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Blogger Johannes Gowere said...

Sir Geofroi,

Ich am not a wankere. Ich wyll tende to yowe latere; atte thys time ich am muchel besette wyth preparaciones for to meten wyth KYNGGE RICHARDE.

Perchance our lorde the KINGE may find it pleese him to gyve yow more worke atte the costoumes house, ys it semes youw have lytel to kepen yow busye there wyth alle of thys blathering. Ich shal mencion it should he enqyre aboute yow.

Johannes Gowere

mardi, 28 mars, 2006  
Anonymous the Yeman Queene said...

Fannes wordes as badde as anye blurbes:

More than fin wastelbreed, more than castels and chivalrye, more than wyn and harping swate, more than queinte ribaudye, more than bourdes and swevenes, I lik th'adventures of Sir Geoff, Knighte of the Shire, and alle his conning layes and tales of fairye ond felaweshippe in thilke bloggesphere.

mercredi, 29 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

myn deere Chaucer,

Ich am but a povre scoler of English, a yonge clerke, and thou been myn maist leevere auctor. Wol thou with mich slepen?

pacient Griselde

mercredi, 29 mars, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

Ich am but a povre scoler of English, a yonge clerke, and thou been myn maist leevere auctor. Wol thou with mich slepen?

O mooste paciente Griselde,

Such an swete proposicoun thou makest, but ich am a marryede man with childer, and thou art a yonge mayde, oon the faireste vnder sonne. Ich am moste certayn that eftsoones thou shalt fynden an nyce marquis who wil trusten thee completeli and thyn mariage shal be verye uneventfulle and nat taxynge at al on thy vertu. Or maybe thou shalt marrye a right arsehole who shal torture thee in a maner that shal make onli petrarch amused (litel cryptofasciste he ys!). Heres to hopynge for the formere.

Quia spes semper saltat,

Le Vostre GC

mercredi, 29 mars, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

Thyn Majestie Yemen Queene,

Yf yt euer come to pass that ich make "blurbes" for this blogge, maye ich citen thyn commentes (wyth thyn reale name?).

Grant Merci

GC

mercredi, 29 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Francois Villon said...

Tous les deux de vos sacres rosbifs ont les culs rongneux et croivent qu'orde cervoise est beauj' nouveau.

mercredi, 29 mars, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

Mon Cher Villon,

Be ware! Thou lepest so hy in thy wittes that one daye thou mightst end vp lepynge hy on thende of a rope.

-GC

mercredi, 29 mars, 2006  
Blogger marlyat2 said...

Mickle thankes, myn Chaucere of the litel worstedde hatte--that thou sholde thinke myn blurbes wordes of faire pris and worthinesse raviseth--swate as Aprille morweninges soon-beems, yeddinges, wonder dremes, fetheringes, joyes of Paradis, longe jocounde flatteryies, etc.

In good fay,
the Yeman Queane

Note bene: Ych sette nat a ferthing ne a ferte by realle names--doe as thou lik.

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Cecilia Chaumpaigne said...

Certes, Geffrey, I holde thyn wordes to Pacient Griselde ryght false and twa-faced when Ich consydre all that hath passyd entre vous y moi. Pleyeth not the dumb stoon, Geffrey. Thou knowest the thynge of which Y speke.

-Cecilia C.

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

Ma Cher Cecilye,

Myne mainpernours haven advised me nat to make mencioun of anye of the detailles of the cas yn a public forum.

Le Vostre
GC

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Blogger Andrew B. said...

Gud maistre Geofrie,

Ich muste first make apologie for ye barbarick natur of my spellingge, for ich am newe to thys olde mood of wrytinge. Thy pwnage of the historick wanker Gowere hath inspired me to facion thy likenes in LEGO form.

Thy moste humbel survente and naybor,

-André Beecroft (aka the Pursuere of Doons)

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Blogger Bernita said...

Verrilie, I maketh myselfe sicke wi laoughter of the mast delicate sorte.
merrilie I singe cucoo.
O mayde, thou goest!

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Wol ye that y beare witnesse to thyn appealle ayeinst Johannes Gower? Certes, with empty hand men may none haukes lure...
Ye knowe ful well wat ye mote for me witnesse and mind ye how Bobbye Grosvenor gave ye angre whan that yow sung with muchel glorie in that game yclepped kareoke doun thi tavenere.
yr gode friend yn armes and drynke,
Rickey S.,
azure a bend or, and do notte ye forget yt

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Blogger Rupert said...

Ce commentaire a été supprimé par un administrateur du blog.

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Hende Nicholas said...

Gretings Geoffrey, y lyke thine blogge ryghte welle by Criste's swete tre! Gowere is a ryghte queynte as any jakke-fool knowes.

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Hende Nicholas said...

Y fonde thyse fragmente of a ballade ycleped Nevere Evere bye thee Alle Saintes that myghte bringen ye joye:

A nombre of prayeres moot be explained,
In wat manere could yow do me paine?
Y moot be avised howe y hav synned,
And the duracioun of thys woeful thyng.
Was it that y was giltee of negleccioun?
Or was y nat worshypful of youre complexioun?
Nat only wol youre resouns kepe me gay,
Botte y wol ken nat to trede the same croked wey.
You can grete me in the flesshe,
Or you may use a messageer,
In a lettre yow may it endite,
Everywich way y moot be clair.
Did y cause yow to bewaille?
Was y evere in bataille?
Nathelees, for choler y wax blinde,
Alle the answeres to my prayeres y moot finde.

My heed daunceth,
Churl, my spirts wane,
Aloone and freendlees,
All tydynges do me paine.
Bathe myselven,
Y wol clene, y wol groom,
Finde soothfastness,
Blisfulnesse, y hadde ones, yay.

Grievous oratory runneth off my tongue,
The alphabet's under disputacioun,
Conversatiouns, chaunge of sesouns in my heed,
You got my herte so soore afeared y am namoore thanne deed.
Y am nat heathen,
Y am certayn y have committed no sinne,
I have pacience,
Like Jesu crucified for oure suffering.

Nevere evere have y evere hadde swich woe,
Whan wol the Lorde take pitee on my wrecched soule?
Nevere evere have y evere felte swich routhe,
Swich a melancholie humour lyk y have loste the trouthe.
Nevere evere have y hadde to seeke,
Y moste praye every daye for my soule's upkeepe.
Nevere evere hadde my conscience in helle,
No science ne no physik canne make me feele welle.

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

ch wyll tende to yowe latere; atte thys time ich am muchel besette wyth preparaciones for to meten wyth KYNGGE RICHARDE.

O, snap! Speken to the hande, Geofroi.

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

Ich wyll tende to yowe latere; atte thys time ich am muchel besette wyth preparaciones for to meten wyth KYNGGE RICHARDE.

O, snap! Speken to the hande, Geofroi.


Yay, lette vs seen howe Kynge Richarde lyke Johan Goweres traisonous sentimentz in his confessio amantis! I had rath speken to the hande than hange from the gallowes pole.

GC

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

"Gretings Geoffrey, y lyke thine blogge ryghte welle by Criste's swete tre!"

Hende Nicholas, runnst thou nowe wyth the Hollowe Men (the stuffede men, lenynge togedir, beaver-hattes fyllede wyth strawe, alas!)? Whatte hapned to thyne clerkli educaccioun? Wel, theye aren prettye funni, I trow, thogh nat as funnye as Mayster Gallaghere -- for he hath watirmelones and an hammer.

Le Vostre

GC

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

O little blog, thou art so unconning. Excepte when thou art conning.

lette vs seen howe Kynge Richarde lyke Johan Goweres traisonous sentimentz in his confessio amantis!

Traisonous? Non! Gowere knowes Kyngge Richarde ys so V minutes yore. Henri Lancaster ys the newwe hotnesse.

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

Traisonous? Non! Gowere knowes Kyngge Richarde ys so V minutes yore. Henri Lancaster ys the newwe hotnesse.

Ooh, it smerteht een to thynken on whatte a bande of archeres from Chestre aren aboute to do to thee!

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Johannes of Gaunte said...

Soone will we see, and rihte weel will wee knowe, whiche manne a traitre is, and whiche is trewe. Chaucer shall of all poetes be kinge proclaimede, and Gowere as a wankere be caste out.

jeudi, 30 mars, 2006  
Blogger Slangwhanger-in-Chief said...

Moore Apparelle et Liverie

Ye Lyffe of ye Scollard: Swinken, Drinken, et Swyven

vendredi, 31 mars, 2006  
Blogger Johannes Gowere said...

Maitre Gefroi:

Welaway! I ben so agreved by your appeles and harsh wordes that ich have yfounded my own payge of blog for to answere yow. For I fynde youre payge of blogginge be overrun wyth blaundishers and defameurs who do verily drowne out mine pledinges.

JG

vendredi, 31 mars, 2006  
Blogger rohina said...

Gower, you are such a wanker, that I have been inspired to immortalise defeat in Sims2 format. Even computer game simulations of you are objects of mockery.
http://chaucerfansims.blogspot.com/

vendredi, 31 mars, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

I ben so agreved by your appeles and harsh wordes that ich have yfounded my own payge of blog for to answere yow.

Mayster Gowere,

Of course this hath ben noted to me - ich have an DSL yn the costoume-hous and so ich do checken myne commentes frequentli. Altho this maye be the onli worke of thyne ever to be only ONE PAYGE! Euerythynge else of thyne maketh the booke of deutoronomie seme an haiku.

Soone my deere Mayster Adam Lynkferste shul maken me a 'bloggerolle' & ich shal linken vnto thyne payge, for ich beleve yn fayre playe.

GC

vendredi, 31 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Worthi Maister Chaucer,

Ich haue grete wonder how thow managest to gette al thys subtil lerning. Ich am a povre Privy Seal clerk with litel konyng, and muche desir to writen poesie. Which romaunces sholde I rede?

discipulus tuus,

T. Hoccleve

P.S. Could y sende yow myne litel boke of poems sumtyme?

vendredi, 31 mars, 2006  
Anonymous William Langland said...

Maistre GC --

Ful glad do I giggle at Gowere y-gashed,

Wo to the wankere whom tho wallopped well!

Both with boredom and blather he burdens his bookes

And wolde sonner suck up to a sovran than edit,

Which maketh for weepinge and wailing of Oxenford oafes.

So jangle and jape and jugge this wrecche.

Scold him so scolares wil scoff at hir skills.

So thusly I thank ye, Thinke now I will go.

Perforce it is time that I pressure my Piers.

-- William Langland

vendredi, 31 mars, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

'sooth, nawt of ye have enow to do! Tyme wayeth hevy on yr handes, I vow!

William de Onomatopaeia

vendredi, 31 mars, 2006  
Blogger Wacky Hermit said...

Chaucere, thou art the manne!

I'm not too good at writing in Olde Englishe, but I did notice that Gower has no comments on his pathetic litel blogge, while thou hast XXXVIII.

samedi, 01 avril, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

BSL pwnyge!

dimanche, 02 avril, 2006  
Blogger Andrew B. said...

Guggel fygte!

Tis clere maistre Chaucer ys al that et a bagge of fryde tuboors.

mardi, 04 avril, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Chaucer is greate! Ic do this for myne clas. I fynde thatte this blogge is greate and "smale foweles maken melodye." This be greate hobye yet yow nede to speke of Chaucer's blogge nat what yow wonte.

jeudi, 13 avril, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Pacient Griselde,

An swete proposicoun indede! Ich wolde nat lyk to speke too boulde, yet Le Vostre GC ys a wanker. Ye sholde fynde an rele manne, lyk me. By myne ryghte hande, Ich wolde be gode to yow.

jeudi, 13 avril, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

This be greate hobye yet yow nede to speke of Chaucer's blogge nat what yow wonte.

Ich do praye thyn pardoun, but the menynge of thys clause escapth myn undirstondyng. What ich "wonte"?

It ledeth me to wondre - hath sum techer or othir promised 'extra credit' yf studentz do leaven messages on myn blogge?

Le Vostre

GC

jeudi, 13 avril, 2006  
Blogger Nero71787 said...

Ich mvst admit that thow hast trule usted that villinus cur, good show. Ich was shown this blog by myne teacher in class. Keepe up thy goode work my dear boy, Chaucer yow troole rock.

vendredi, 14 avril, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

Maistre Geoff,

Ich thinke that yt is abut tyme for yow to chalenge John Gower to a dul. He dos not respecte yow.

P.S. Yf yow be not a Mank then you be a wank.

vendredi, 14 avril, 2006  
Blogger Geoffrey Chaucer said...

Ich thinke that yt is abut tyme for yow to chalenge John Gower to a dul.

An appeale ys a processe of lawe that kan ende yn a triale by combate bitwene the tow partyes. Thogh the fashione of nowaday ys to settle bifor the combat, ich am redie to fyghten Mayster Gowere wyth al my myght yf yt so hap that onlie combat shal determyne the right in this matiere. Ich dide kicke sum ass whenne I foughte yn fraunce, ich swere yt by Seynte Martin.

Le Vostre

GC

vendredi, 14 avril, 2006  
Anonymous Anonyme said...

WTF?!?!?!

mercredi, 10 mai, 2006  
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vendredi, 30 novembre, 2007  
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