flayme werre

BSL! Mayster Johann Gowere ys on me lyk galauntyne on a pyk. Nowe by alle the sayntz he stoopeth so lowe that he leaveth barbede commentes on myn blogge.

Videlicet:

Myn Gentil Gefroi:

Ich am muchel wrothe at thy japes and hostyl wordes, yow seem overe eager to maken me seem a smale and pityeful man. 

Whatte hath Ich wroght to maken mine self so displeysing to yow?

Johannes Gowere

ps. my liverie is bettere and ich do notte share it so freelye to harvest the gold of compleat strangeres.

O, pleye the martyr, Mayster Gower. Thou knowst myn quarel wel, butte so thatte I maye maken the roote and engendrure of myn angre cleere to all, ich have writen a formal appeal ayeinst thee.

Videlicet:

SCIANT PRESENTES ET FUTURI and alle those who maye linke to thys page, I Geoffrey Chaucer in the presence of the internette knowlechede thes wordes and typede them wyth myn owene fingres and thus I hereof appeale myn erstwhile freende and companioun Johanness Gowere that he ys a wanker.

ITEM. Thou hast removede mencioun of me from the secounde drafte of thyn confessio amantis. WTF!?! & hereof I appeale thee John Gowere that thou art a wanker.

ITEM. Thou nedest getten a lyfe of thyne owene - whenevir ich wisshe to hange out with tommye uske or ralph strode or sir ‘t-bone’ clanvowe and juste have some heade-to-heade tyme, thou art alwayes on aboute comynge alonge and then thou makest vs lystene vnto thy talke of moralitees and monkes and yt is ful borynge and maken myn eyes to droope yn slepe. & hereof I appeale thee John Gowere that thou art a wanker.

ITEM. The tale of the miller of hendy nicholas and eek the tale of the reeve of the miller who was trickede dide plesen thou nat, the whiche is strongere affirmacioun that thou art a humorless wrecche than evene thyne intolerable miroir de l'homme. & hereof I appeale thee John Gower that thou art a wanker.

ITEM. For lyke VI monthes thow hadst me callen thou backe immediatlie aftir tho called me because thou hadst notte the minutes. Thou shouldst have gotten a goode celle phone planne lyk everybodi els in the worlde.

ITEM. Thou nedst to getten thyn owene topics. Lucretia? Costance? Stop messynge up myn game.

ITEM. Ich do suspecte that thou beginst to harbour unplesaunte thoghtes towards myn deere Kynge Richarde. & hereof I appeale thee John Gower that thou kanst not be verye enamourede of thatte heade on thyne shouldres.

ITEM. Altho thou art rich yn landes and thus nede notte worke, thou japest at me for myn necessarie and profitable labour at the costoume hous and also thou disrespectest myn liverie the whiche ys not a coole thynge to do at alle. & hereof I appeale thee John Gower that thou art a wanker.

And of al thes matirs ich stande redye to preven them yn whatevir maner be judged resonable. And Godde and trewthe shal deciden whethir thou beest a wanker or nat.

(but thou totallye art and thou knowst yt)